320 Part V: Integrating Your Learning
Elaine has a string of letters after her name (capabilities and skills) but is
striving to get more qualifications. This aim is completely congruent with her
ambition of where she’s taking her business, and the way she acts and talks
about women’s finance (behaviour) engenders complete trust. She has a
lovely office at home (environment) where she can keep an eye on her
children. When she needs to think, she goes into the garden for a spot of
meditation. Because all the areas for her business are aligned, she’s making
good progress.
Although this second anecdote is an example of what Jim experienced when
his wife died, it can apply to anyone who goes through loss: of a marriage
when a split occurs or the loss of a job due to redundancy, sacking, or
retirement.
Jim, an accountant, and Alicia had been married for almost 30 years. The
first couple of weeks after Alicia died were tied up with making the funeral
arrangements and Jim functioned on autopilot, but then he went through
huge change:
✓ Environment: Jim found that he was rattling around their bedroom after
he took Alicia’s clothes to the charity shop. A bed that had been
comfortable for two felt very big and the king-size quilt was too heavy.
Obviously, depending on the loss, different aspects apply when
adjusting to or creating a new environment for a new life.
✓ Behaviour: Jim had always been very playful and men and women
enjoyed his company because he was such fun. In fact, Alicia would
tease him for being an outrageous flirt. Some months after Alicia died
and life began to stabilise, Jim realised that his sense of humour had
started to return. He was surprised to notice that his interaction with
the women he was meeting had changed dramatically. Although he was
his playful self with women who were Alicia’s and his old and trusted
friends, he was much more reserved with women he was meeting for
the first time. He realised that he’d seen Alicia as a guard against women
who may misconstrue his playfulness.
✓ Capabilities and skills: Alicia had managed all the household affairs
because she enjoyed the element of control and juggling funds and
utilities to get the best rates and deals. Jim didn’t want to think about
numbers when he was at home. Suddenly, Jim had to organise the
running of the home as well as manage his work.
Jim was extremely organised at work but both Alicia and he had given
him tacit permission to be less than organised at home. Jim decided
to bring his organisational skills into his life at home; he modelled his
time keeping and organisational behaviour at work to manage himself at
home (for more on modelling, go to Chapter 19).
