Chapter 2: Some Basic Assumptions of NLP 21
memories, decisions, experiences, and your cultural and social background,
to allow in only what your filters are tuned to receive.
When you’re with another person or other people, choose something in your
surroundings and have each of you write a short description of what you
observe: for example, the view from a window. Notice that people’s descrip-
tions are individually tailored by their own life experiences.
Some Europeans and North Americans experience a major culture shock
when visiting countries such as India or Mexico. Because of their cultural
background, they may be shocked by the level of poverty in some areas
whereas local people accept the poverty as part of life. People accept the
familiarity of their own landscape.
Travelling down another person’s map: Unfamiliar territory
The result of this personal filter is that everyone has a very individual map
of the world. To make communication easier, a really useful exercise is to at
least attempt to understand the IR or map of the person with whom you’re
communicating.
Romilla was buying some fish and chips for supper and was asked to complete
a short form about the quality, service, and value-for-money of the food. The
women serving behind the counter were very upset because the man who had
just left had declined, quite rudely, to fill in the form. Romilla asked the ladies
whether they had considered how the poor man may have felt if he was illiter-
ate, and that perhaps he was rude because he was embarrassed. The change
in the two ladies was phenomenal: ‘I never even thought about that,’ said one.
Their demeanour changed immediately from one of anger and resentment to
one of sympathy. They also felt much better in themselves and were able to
let go of all the negative feelings.
The following short exercise helps you to find tolerance, or at least gain some
understanding, when you find yourself in a situation where another person’s
response or behaviour surprises you, irritates you, or just leaves you puzzled:
- Count all the blessings in your life.
- With examples of your own good fortune rattling around in your
brain, put on your most generous hat.
- Ask yourself what may be going on in this other person’s world that
would warrant the behaviour.
When you begin to master this process, you may find that not only are you
happier with your lot, but also you accept people and their idiosyncrasies
with greater ease.
