24 Part I: Introducing NLP
Can you imagine a world in which you gave up learning to walk simply
because you fell over the first time you stood up? What do you think
Waterloo Station in London would look like during the rush hour if only a few
people mastered the art of walking?
The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits
No matter how honourable the intentions of your communications, the suc-
cess of the interaction depends on how the listener receives the message,
and not on what you intend. In other words, the response that your words
elicit is the meaning of your communication.
This presupposition is another very powerful assumption about communi-
cation: it places the onus of responsibility of getting your message across
squarely at your door, as the communicator. When you adopt this presuppo-
sition, you can no longer blame the other person for any misunderstandings.
If the response you get isn’t what you expected then, as a student of NLP, you
have the tools to use your senses to realise that the other person is missing
the point. You also have the flexibility to do things differently, through your
behaviour and your words.
Start with the required end in mind and think of what outcome you want
from your communication. What would happen if a builder started by slap-
ping bricks on one another without a plan? You certainly wouldn’t get your
cathedral! In order to build something with strong foundations you need to
start with an architect’s vision of the end product. This presupposition is also
useful in keeping your emotions out of the way when you’re involved in a situ-
ation that may get tough.
In Chapter 5, we discuss more ways of practising flexibility of behaviour and give
a few more tips on dealing with emotions when the going gets tough. If you want
to find out more about sensory awareness, please have a look at Chapter 7.
If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different
This presupposition is so simple, and yet you don’t always modify your
behaviour when things don’t go as you want. After all, wandering through life
