Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life 45
Be aware that a limiting belief may be lurking if you find yourself using words
or hearing words such can’t, should, shouldn’t, could, couldn’t, would, ought,
and ought not, as in ‘I couldn’t possibly do your job’. As Henry Ford said: ‘He
can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t. This is an inexorable,
indisputable law.’
Being impacted by the beliefs of others
The really scary thought is that other people’s preconceptions can place
false limitations on you, especially if the other people are teachers, bosses,
family, or friends.A very interesting study conducted with a group of children who had been
tested and found to be of average intelligence illustrates how a teacher’s belief
can enhance or hinder a child’s learning ability.The students were split into two groups at random. The teacher for one
group was told that the students in the group were gifted, whereas the
teacher for the other group was told that these students were slow learners.
Both groups of children were retested for intelligence a year later. The intel-
ligence score for the group in which the teacher thought the students were
gifted was higher than when previously tested; whereas the group in which
the teacher had been told the students were slow learners scored lower on
the intelligence test than they had done before.Sadly these limitations aren’t just the domain of overcrowded schools but
exist in homes where parents shoehorn their children into an ‘acceptable’
position. Other examples include when your friends remind you to be careful
of changing a secure job to pursue a dream, or when a boss whose commu-
nication style is different from yours has a detrimental effect on your career
progression. We hear of many cases in which doctors declare to patients that
they are never going to recover, and how this statement negatively impacts
the life span of the patients. Not only are some of these professionals per-
ceived always to know more than you, but also you may even place them on
a pedestal.A child can have difficulties overcoming the shortcomings of a teacher with-
out parental assistance and even more so the restrictions of a parent or
family environment. As an adult, however, you can weigh up the pros and
cons of the advice you’re being given by seeing it from the other person’s
point of view. (We cover this situation in Chapter 7, where we write about
exploring perceptual positions.) When you understand the reasons for the
other person’s opinion, you can choose to follow the given advice or not.
Also, with this knowledge behind you, you can always start to use your
boss’s communication style in order to get your message across and so prog-
ress in your chosen career.