Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life 57
If you hear sounds such as sirens or crying, reduce their volume and
harshness. If you hear people saying something unpleasant, have them
talk to you in a cartoon voice to mitigate their painful words.
- Adjust the quality of the picture.
Make it smaller, darker, and in black and white; move it far away from
you until it’s a dot and almost invisible. You may want to imagine send-
ing the image up into the sun and watch it disappear in a solar flare. In
this way, you experience yourself destroying the hold the memory previ-
ously had on you.
Changing the memory doesn’t mean that the event didn’t occur. It does, how-
ever, prove that you have a choice over how the memory affects you now and
the impact it has on your future.You See It Because You Believe It
Imagine that you’re among a group of people who witness a robbery. The
chances are that everyone gives the police a different account of the robbery.This situation arises because people receive the data that create their reality
through their five senses (visual – eyes, auditory – ears, kinaesthetic – touch,
gustatory – taste, and olfactory – smell). Your senses, however, bombard
your brain with so much data at any one time that, in order to maintain your
sanity, you process only a very small fraction of the incoming data. Filters –
combinations of who you believe you are, your values and beliefs, and your
memories – dictate what your brain accesses. You can pick up more about
these filters in Chapter 5.Just as your filters direct what you perceive, they also affect what you proj-
ect out into the world. Maybe you find yourself surrounded by angry, self-
ish, or jealous people. If so, perhaps you’re harbouring unresolved anger,
believing in a win–lose scenario because there isn’t enough in the world to go
around, that somebody else can only do well if you don’t, or feeling jealous of
someone else’s success.One of Romilla’s clients, Mary, was extremely unhappy at work because she
was being bullied. Her supervisor, along with the departmental secretary,
ganged up on Mary, being very unpleasant and extremely petty.Romilla helped Mary to recognise that the supervisor was a very lonely
woman who had no friends and was very unpopular at work. Whenever Mary
looked at the supervisor she imagined that the supervisor was holding a plac-
ard saying: ‘I feel I’m worthless and unlovable.’ Mary started to replace fear