Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 123
That old saying “Time heals all wounds” is true. The painful feelings grad-
ually subside, but they may continue to affect your future relationships. Instead
of waiting for the hurt to fade, deal with it now by following these tips:
- Talk to your ex in person. Communicate your feelings honestly so you can
release them. Don’t try to cause a guilt trip or win him/her back. If either of you
gets angry or out of control, stop the discussion immediately and get away from
each other. If your ex acts very friendly toward you or even comes on to you,
don’t assume this means he/she wants to get back together. You could end up
hurt again. - Write a letter. Communicate your feelings in the letter. (You won’t mail
it, so you can be totally honest.) How did you feel in the relationship? How do
you feel now? Describe what you did to contribute to the breakup. - Write a letter from your ex to you. After you’ve finished the first letter
(above), pretend that you are your ex and write a reply letter. If you allow your-
self to really get into it, you might discover things you never realized before. - Seal both letters in an envelope marked, “Don’t open till.. .” (Fill
in a date that’s one year from the date you write the letters.) Stick the envelope
way in the back of your closet or in some drawer you hardly ever open.
Someday, you’ll reread the letters and realize how far you’ve come from where
you are now.
If you don’t feel better after these writing exercises, perhaps you haven’t
expressed everything you need to. If so, write another letter to your ex and another
letter back to yourself. The goal is to get some closure, or feel “complete.”
After you’ve tried some (or all) of these suggestions, ask yourself how you’re
feeling. Check in with your body to see if you need food, water, sleep, fresh air,
exercise, or a shower. It’s just as important to take care of your physical health
as it is to take care of your emotional health.
The last step in getting over a broken heart is to determine what you’ve
learned from the experience. Relationships (even ones that end sadly) are great
opportunities for self-discovery. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.