68. the life cycle
The man read her palm, quizzed her on her knowledge of worship, demanded her
horoscope, and asked that she prepare and serve tea. Even after he had found her ac-
ceptable and a dowry had been agreed upon, her bridegroom, eager to be modern,
insisted upon seeing her—and could thus himself be seen by the girl and her
people.
In cities, prospective marriage partners may exchange photographs, and the
youth and his parents may be invited to tea, which the girl quietly serves to the
guests. Each group assesses the other’s candidate quickly under these awkward cir-
cumstances. Frequently, a girl is rejected for having too dark a complexion, since fair
skin is a highly prized virtue in both village and town.
For city dwellers, matrimonial advertisements in newspapers often provide leads
to eligible spouses. These advertisements typically stress beauty and education in a
prospective bride and education and earning capacity in a groom. Regional and
caste affiliations are usually mentioned.
required for our daughtersuitable match. She is highly educated, fair, lovely,
intelligent, conversant with social graces, home management, belongs to re-
spected Punjabi family of established social standing. Boy should be tall, well
educated, definitely above average, around thirty years of age or below, estab-
lished in own business or managerial cadre. Contact Box 44946, The Times of
India.matrimonial correspondence invitedfrom young, beautiful, educated, cul-
tured, smart Gujarati girls for good looking, fair complexioned, graduate bache-
lor, well settled, Gujarati Vaishnav Vanik youth of 27 years, earning monthly Rs.
3000/-. Girl main consideration [i.e., large dowry not important]. Advertisement
for wider choice only. Please apply Box 45380, The Times of India.Discussions of dowry are important in marriage negotiations in conservative
Hindu circles in many parts of North India. The parents of a highly educated boy
may demand a large dowry, while a well-educated girl’s parents may not have to
offer as large a dowry as the parents of a relatively unschooled girl. In Central India,
dowries are not important, although expensive gifts are presented to a groom.^4 In a
few groups, the groom’s family pays a bride-price to the girl’s kinsmen. Almost all
weddings involve expensive feasts, and the number of guests to be fed is sometimes
negotiated.
As her wedding approached, Munni heard her relatives discussing the prepara-