Some people want absolute security before they
will love deeply, but there is no such security
anywhere.
When my cat, Satchitananda (Satchi), died of
kidney disease after a 6 month battle in 1997, I
became lost in an endless depression that lasted 4
years or so. Robert died that same year which
exacerbated my depression, and only an experimental
medication for depression brought me out of it in just
a few weeks in 2001. After 6 weeks I was free of
depression, but also over the subsequent years I
discovered I was “free” of ANY strong affect. The
antidepressant acted as a mood “modulator” that not
only prevented depression, but also prevented joy or
even strong love. It was only after getting off that
medication that it was possible to come alive, for I was
also lost in the Void and witness, in peace, rest, but
with no excitement.
So, what I have learned is that nothing in the
human condition is secure, safe, or permanent. Those
who I love the most, whether animal or human, can
leave at any time, through death or change of mind.
To really “benefit” from the gift of having a
human body, heart and consciousness, we must not
fear to love another totally, completely, 100% even
though they may leave tomorrow. To fail to love
because that love is risky means our love will always
darren dugan
(Darren Dugan)
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