More on Being Human..................................................................
I have a dear friend with whom I was speaking
today about neediness. She is facing divorce and being
independent, not having a man around to provide
security, take care of household maintenance, etc. In
addition, she was feeling neediness for someone she
loves very much, feeling it as an emptiness inside her
chest, a kind of sucking void that left her feeling
weak, AND fearful of losing him given the intensity of
her neediness state which triggered fears of loss and
abandonment. To prevent feelings of impending
annihilation, she conjured up feelings of guardedness,
to attenuate the needy feelings.
However, she did not run from those neediness
feelings, which I told her were the key to remaining
emotionally open, and accepting of those feelings as
necessary for her full integration as a complete human
being. “Stay with the neediness”, I told her. Just do
nothing and hang around in that feeling until it is just
another feeling, not something to guard against or run
from.
Personally, I love the neediness feeling, the feeling
of a sucking void in the chest, feeling small,
vulnerable, and also needing protection from the
world’s threats, real but especially imagined.