Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

At first we walked entirely around the block taking
a half hour or so, but as time passed, the walks got
shorter and shorter.
One day I found her in her usual hiding place in her
book cabinet. Her pupils were large and fixed. She
was slipping into a coma.
We took her to our vet and blood tests revealed
multiple organ failure and whole body rigidity. We had
her put to sleep just in case she was in pain.
Subsequently, we have had two cats die peacefully at
home due to kidney failure, rapidly passing into a
coma and dying within minutes. But in 1997, we did
not know death could come so peacefully and lovingly
absent medical help.
Satchi’s death crushed me. I felt I had invested my
entire life’s spirit into her care and healing and I had
failed. I had felt if only I loved her enough and cared
for her enough, she would have lived. Yet, I had done
just that: I had poured my life into her healing and
had failed. My love had failed. I had failed. I felt
shattered and my belief in the power of love was also
shattered.
Very shortly after that I began to slip into a deep
depression that was to last almost three years. The
Great Void swallowed me entirely. I barely moved as
the darkness and bleakness of the darkness descended