Chapter 12
MIRRORING - HOW WE
BUILD RAPPORT
They all look the same, dress the same way, use the same facial expressions
and body language but each will tell you he's 'doing his own thing'When we meet others for the first time, we need to assess
quickly whether they are positive or negative towards us, just
as most other animals do for survival reasons. We do this by
scanning the other person's body to see if they will move or
gesture the same way we do in what is known as 'mirroring'.
We mirror each other's body language as a way of bonding,
being accepted and creating rapport, but we are usually obliv-
ious to the fact that we are doing it. In ancient times, mirroring
was also a social device which helped our ancestors fit in suc-
cessfully with larger groups; it is also a left-over from a
primitive method of learning which involved imitation.
One of the most noticeable forms of mirroring is yawning -
one person starts and it sets everyone off. Robert Provine
found that yawning is so contagious you don't even need to see
another person yawn - the sight of a wide-open mouth is
enough to do it. It was once thought that the purpose of