Mirroring — How We Build Rapportthe speaker's voice tone and his emotional condition through
his body language. This is exactly what a man needs to do to
capture a woman's attention and to keep her interested and lis-
tening. Most men are daunted by the prospect of using facial
feedback while listening, but it pays big dividends for the man
who becomes good at it.
Some men say 'She'll think I'm effeminate!', but research
with these techniques shows that when a man mirrors a
woman's facial expressions as she talks she will describe him
as caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive.
Men, on the other hand, can make fewer than a third of the
facial expressions a woman can make. Men usually hold
expressionless faces, especially in public, because of the evolu-
tionary need to withhold emotion to stave off possible attack
from strangers and to appear to be in control of their emo-
tions. This is why most men look as if they are statues when
they listen.
The emotionless mask that men wear while listening allows
them to feel in control of the situation, but does not mean men
don't experience emotions. Brain scans reveal that men can
feel emotion as strongly as women, but avoid showing it pub-
licly.
What to Do About It if You're Female
The key to mirroring a man's behaviour is in understanding
that he doesn't use his face to signal his attitudes - he uses his
body. Most women find it difficult to mirror an expressionless
man but with males this is not required. If you're a woman, it
means that you need to reduce your facial expressions so that
you don't come across as overwhelming or intimidating. Most
importantly, don't mirror what you think he might be feeling.
That can be disastrous if you've got it wrong and you may be
described as 'dizzy' or 'scatterbrained'. Women in business
who listen with a more serious face are described by men as
more intelligent, astute and sensible.