The Washington Post - USA (2022-03-07)

C2 EZ RE THE WASHINGTON POST.MONDAY, MARCH 7 , 2022

ACROSS

1 Book of maps

6 Pots’ cookware

partners

10 Read, as a bar

code

14 Not dry,

as a cake

15 Rectangle

calculation

16 “Alice’s

Restaurant”

singer Guthrie

17 Word with bear

or vortex

18 Put in order

19 Single __ whisky

20 *“Come to your

senses!”

23 So-so grade

24 Chicago Bulls’

org.

25 Stallone’s boxer

27 Cellphone bill

statistic

30 __ Ar tois:

Belgian beer

32 Dadaist

collection

33 Hourly

charge, e.g.

35 Mustard named

for a French city

38 Pitcher’s goof

39 Hunting dog’s

pickup

41 Response to

“Marco!” in a

pool game

42 “Ghostbusters”

goo

44 Raggedy doll

45 Rubber-stamped

46 Popular

Campbell’s

soup

48 Window

sections

50 “You’ ve got to

be kidding”

51 Ruby or emerald

52 Airport safety

org.

53 Kit Kat bar

slogan ... and

hint to the

star ts of the

answers to

starred clues

60 Corrosive stuff

62 Small-town

parade street

63 “__ no choice”

64 Farm building

65 Voting against

66 Spooky

67 Bear in two

constellation

names

68 Dieter’s beer

choice

69 Stuffy-sounding

DOWN

1 Concert blasters

2 Bart Simpson, e.g.

3 Country singer

McCann

4 “I need it now!”

letters

5 Stiff, as a drink

6 Ziti, for example

7 Suffix with buck

8 Spongy ball

brand

9 Stephen Colbert

device

10 “Cheers”

bartender

11 *Do some

stand-up

12 Bowling venue

13 Musical scale

part

21 Taxi alternatives

22 Let the cat

out of the bag,

so to speak

26 Pre-tied tie, e.g.

27 Eurasian range

28 *Deb ate tiny

details

29 Dad’s punting

words

30 Shorthand ace

31 Work the bar

32 Core muscles

34 “Never try to

outstubborn

__”: Heinlein

36 World Cup

cheers

37 Wordless

consent

40 Ultracompeti-

tive personality

43 Online

periodical

47 Zoo inhabitant

49 Sleep aid brand

50 Hollywood

award

51 Fabled lamp

occupant

52 “Forbidden”

perfume

54 __-pedi

55 Catcher’s glove

56 Actress Seehorn

57 Corn units

58 Reebok rival

59 Boat backbone

61 Forensic

evidence

LA TIMES CROSSWORD By Janice Luttrell

SATURDAY’S LA T IMES SOLUTION

© 2022 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. 3/7/22

Carolyn Hax is

away. The

following is from

Dec. 2, 2007.

Dear Carolyn: I

have never been

beautiful. Cute,

yeah, but never

beautiful. Fine. It suits my

tomboyish persona.

Now I have a daughter who is,

at 7, b eautiful. Not “I’m the mom”

beautiful or “I wish she were”

beautiful, but honest-to-God,

people-stop-us-on-the-streets

beautiful. It’s starting to be a

problem. She’s starting to think

it about herself and — frankly —

I don ’t even want her to know.

She’s a s porty kid and not

particularly girly. But my mom is

spending a fortune on “outfits.”

My mother-in-law tried to talk

me into a casting call and really

wouldn’t let it rest until it was

past. Her teachers call her

“pretty girl,” and if I had a buck

for every stranger who made a

comment, I could quit my day

job.

How do I make sure she

doesn’t start placing too much

emphasis on her looks?

— Annapolis

Annapolis: That list you provide

is effective in showing the

pervasiveness of the message

your daughter is getting.

By providing it, you show

you’ve made the connection that

pervasiveness is persuasion;

you’re not worried that one

person said she was beautiful,

you’re worried that the message

gets reinforced daily.

That’s exactly the way to view

your job now, of delivering the

message that her true value lies

within: You can ’t just say it. You

have to find a delivery method

that has built into it the same

credibility, consistency and

thereby the same reinforcement

of the message you’re hoping to

balance out.

It starts with you. She will

watch you eat, shop, dress, give,

take and interact with peers,

superiors, inferiors. Live your

blueprint for her. Don’t lecture

about inner goodness, either.

Model it, enable it, encourage it,

praise it. For example, choose

institutions for her that reinforce

the values you hope she’ll

eventually internalize. Give her

age-appropriate duties at home

to show that anyone who

receives must also contribute.

Skew your outings toward giving

(a standing charity gig) vs.

receiving (shopping). To the

extent you can, direct her

sportiness to shared-glory sports

vs. diva-makers. Lean gender-

neutral and away from

stereotypes. Cultivate strength.

Also, don’t hold her less

accountable — or more — based

on appearance. Neither dwell on

her beauty nor deny it. (You’d

almost think, by the way, that

we’re talking about a

disfigurement.) Find a way to be

as comfortable with her beauty

as you want her to be someday.

As she gets older, give her

ownership of her looks by not

fussing over her hair/makeup/

clothing decisions, within

obvious boundaries, and let any

luxuries come from her

allowance money.

In general and in all things,

privilege is earned, period, by

good behavior, period. Forge that

connection in her, and that will

become her currency, not her

looks.

You can ’t get strangers to help

you lay that foundation — the

world gawks, it can’t help itself —

but you can ask the grandmas

and certainly the teachers to. Be

firm, be persuasive. It’s your

responsibility either to enlighten

them or to intervene as you

deem necessary (as you did with

the casting call) to limit the

damage they do by not getting it.

The way you love your

daughter won’t translate intact

into the way she loves herself,

but no one else carries more

weight. And if you ever lose

focus: These aren’t ideas for

raising a beautiful kid; they’re

just for raising a kid.

Write to Carolyn Hax at

[email protected]. Get her

column delivered to your inbox each

morning at wapo.st/gethax.

 Join the discussion live at noon

Fr idays at washingtonpost.com/live-

chats.

Mom of ‘beautiful’ 7-year-old tries to

keep her grounded amid all the fuss

Carolyn

Hax

NICK GALIFIANAKIS/ILLUSTRATION F OR THE WASHINGTON POST