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sōraṭhā.
saṅkara ura ati chōbhu satī na jānahiṁ maramu sō'i.
tulasī darasana lōbhu mana ḍaru lōcana lālacī. 48 (b).
Lord Shiva’s mind and heart were highly uneasy and anxious^1 , but Sati was not aware
of the reason why it was so.
Tulsidas says that Lord Shiva’s Mana (mind and heart) was overcome with
apprehension and he was on the horns of a dilemma. On the one hand his eyes were
eager to have a divine Darshan (viewing) of Lord Ram, and on the other hand he did
not want to reveal the true identity of Lord Ram by first showing his eagerness, and
then when the opportunity actually arrived, by paying his obeisance to the Lord (Ram)
and bowing at his feet (because these actions would let the cat out of the bag, as it
were). (Sortha/Doha no. 48 Kha)
[Note—^1 The reasons why Shiva was unhappy and restless are the following—(i)
Lord Ram had gone to the forest in order to fulfil his promise to the gods that he
would eliminate the demon king Ravana, and for this the Lord had to suffer a lot
personally by having to wonder in the wild forest infested with wild beast and
demons. Lord Shiva loved Lord Ram so much that he had enshrined the Lord’s image
in his heart like one enshrines a deity in a temple. Shiva was pained to see his beloved
and revered Lord Ram wondering barefoot in the wild and undergoing all the
hardships that are associated with life in the dense forest. This is one reason why
Shiva became uneasy when he saw Lord Ram wandering in the Dandak forest as
mentioned in Chaupai line no. 8 that precedes Doha no. 48 herein above.
(ii) Shiva was worried that the enemy of the gods, i.e. the demon king Ravana,
was his (Shiva’s) ardent devotee, and the irony is that Ravana was to be killed by
Lord Ram whom Shiva worships. This was a piquant situation. What would happen if
Ravana comes to know of this fact, or if Ravana approachs Shiva to help him against
Ram in the epic war at Lanka? Should Shiva go to Lord Ram while he is alone in the
secluded part of the forest and discuss this problem with him, or should he desist
from it?
(iii) The other reason for Shiva’s restlessness was that he was anxious whether or
not he (Shiva) would get an opportunity to meet his Lord, Sri Ram, and pay his
obeisance to him without the world knowing it. Shiva did not wish to let the secret
about Lord Ram’s true identity to be leaked because that would warn the demons. But
at the same time he did not want to miss this golden opportunity to have a divine
glimpse of Lord Ram while he was all alone in the forest. This was the reason for his
anxiety and restlessness for he did not know how this will come about without
divulging the secret—because when anyone came to know that Lord Shiva had
personally bowed before Ram and paid his obeisance to him then it would be easy to
conclude who Ram actually was as everyone knew that Lord Ram is Shiva’s revered
Lord God whose holy name Shiva keeps repeating at all times,
Shiva could not openly go and visit Lord Ram because, for one, Sati was with
him and there was a fair chance that she would chatter about the Lord’s incarnation
and reveal the secret to others. Shiva could not even stop midway indefinitely on his
journey to his abode in Mt. Kailash through the path of the sky, and so it was very
uncertain if he would ever have the chance to see Lord Ram in the short span of time