Allow* Your Partner the Space to Be
Themselves
It’s a funny old thing, but we often fall in love with someone
who is independent, forceful, powerful, in charge, in control,
and very much out in the world. Then, the second we’ve cap-
tured this person, so to speak, we try to change her. We come
over all jealous if our partner carries on being as independent;
as if being in a relationship with us somehow limits her, ties
her down, cuts her wings off.
Before we met our partner, she managed quite well without us.
The second we meet her, we start giving her advice, restricting
her choices, limiting her vision and dreams, curtailing her
freedom. We need to stand back and give her the freedom to
be herself.
A lot of people say that the magic of their relationship has
worn off, that there is no sparkle there any more and that they
have grown apart. And then when you look into it a bit more
deeply, you find two people locked in a symbiotic relationship
of mistrust, oppression, and petty encroachment. They
don’t give each other any space at all, let alone space to be
themselves.
So what can we do? First, stand back and see your partner as
she was when you first met her. What attracted you? What
was special about them? What turned you on?
Now look at your partner. What is different? What has gone
and what has been replaced? Is she still the same independent
person, or have you eroded her space, confidence, independ-
ence, vitality? Maybe not, that seems a bit harsh, but
*Yes, yes, I know I said “‘Allow.” It is a joke, don’t write in...