Yo u Wa n t to D o W h a t?
Just because we come together to be a couple for however
long doesn’t mean we are joined at the hip and have to think
the same, do the same, feel the same, react the same. I have
noticed that the most successful relationships are the ones
where the couple is strong together but also strong apart. The
best relationships are the ones where both are supportive of
each other’s interests even if they aren’t their own.
Being supportive of your partner and what she wants to do
means you have to be very centered yourself not to feel jealous
or mistrustful or resentful. You have to be prepared for her to
be independent, strong, out in the world separate from you. It
can be hard. It can ask a lot of you. It can be a real test of how
much you care and how protective you tend to be.
The more freedom you give/allow/tolerate/encourage, the
more likely your partner will be to reciprocate and return. If a
partner feels she is encouraged and trusted, she is much less
likely to “stray” or want out because she feels hemmed in or
caged. The more supportive you are, the more she will feel she
is being treated kindly, and that is a good thing.
But what if you disagree with what your partner wants to do?
Then you have to look at your own stuff, I’m afraid. You see,
your partner is a separate human being and entitled to do
pretty well whatever she wants to do—assuming it isn’t hurt-
ful to you or in any serious way jeopardizes the relationship
(such as sleeping with other people or committing crimes)—
and it is your role to be supportive. You may need to question
what it is about what she wants to do that you find hard to go
along with. This might be more about you than your partner.