Know When to Listen and
When to Act
I don’t know if it’s harder for us men to learn this one, but I
find it tough. Whenever anyone has a problem, I want to rush
off and do something. Doesn’t really matter what, just so long
as I am doing something, anything.
In actual fact, what is often required of me is that I sit down
and listen. I am not being told my wife’s troubles and prob-
lems just so I can be all macho and rescue her or leap to her
defense or single-handedly take on the world for her (in fact,
be a hero). What is needed is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder
perhaps to cry on, an “Oh, that must be awful for you” sort of
response, a counselor’s approach, and a full and rapt attention
with eye contact. That’s the tricky bit. As soon as I’ve heard
the problem, I’ve switched off, or rather I’ve switched to work-
ing out what the solution must be.
But for me, when I have a problem I don’t want to hear sympa-
thetic noises and encouraging sounds. I don’t want a heart
space where I can share. I just want a solution, an offer of
help, an extra pair of hands, a stout length of rope, and a
screwdriver.*
But then all my problems are object related and need practical
solutions—a guy’s sort of thing. All the problems that I find
the hardest to just listen to are person related and need a com-
pletely different approach. Knowing when to listen and when
to act is an extremely useful skill to develop. I still constantly
need to sit on my hands though to stop someone sharing
- Or whatever it takes to fix my particular problem.