Let Your Kids Mess Up for
Themselves—They Don’t Need Any
Help from You
I have children, and I naturally want them to be happy and
well adjusted and successful. But do I also harbor secret plans
for them? Do I want them to be doctors? Lawyers? Diplomats?
Scientists? Archaeologists? Paleontologists? Writers? Entrepre-
neurs? The Pope? (Look, someone has to be the Pope, and it
may be some parent’s ambition somewhere to see his child as
the Pope.) Astronauts?
No. I don’t think so. Hand on my heart, I can say I haven’t ever
had such ambitions for them. I do hope they’re not listening,
but I can say that I’ve been disappointed on the odd occasion
when their career choice has seemed a bit unusual—not their
sort of thing at all. But you have to let them make mistakes.
Yo u c a n ’t s t e e r t h e m r i g h t a l l t h e t i m e , o r t h e y ’ d n e v e r l e a r n f o r
themselves.
And this is what this Rule is all about—giving your kids the
space to mess things up. We’ve all done it. I was given
immense freedom to screw up, and I did it big time, magnifi-
cently, spectacularly. Result? I learned pretty quickly what
worked and what didn’t. I have a cousin who wasn’t given any-
thing like the same freedom. He was much more protected,
and he didn’t screw up anywhere nearly so badly. But later in
life, and he’d be the first to agree with this, he managed his life
in such an unfortunate way that his screw-up really was spec-
tacular. We all have to make mistakes. Better to make them
while we’re young and have the resiliency to bounce back.
Being a parent is about 75 percent making it up as you go
along. You too have the freedom to make mistakes. Trouble is
that if you get it wrong as a parent, your mistakes can really