Recovery was a long, hard process. I was in the hospital program for 3 months during the
summer and in out-patient therapy for years after that. While under treatment, there was so
much pressure on me to eat that I became bulimic—binge eating and throwing up. I was ill for
about 3 years.
I went to law school after graduating from college and was so miserable that my condition
worsened. It was not until I dropped out of law school and decided to be a teacher that
things came together for me. Now I am fine, but my condition is always on my mind. I still
wake up each day and think what am I going to eat today. I am careful to avoid “emotional
eating.” I never skip a meal or starve myself. If I am having a bad day, I make sure I do not
overeat in reaction. Sometimes my feelings of inadequacy come back. When I first started
teaching, I felt like I was an impostor and was afraid that people would discover it.
Nobody ever told me I was special when I was younger and I needed to hear it. Now I
know that everybody needs to hear it. As a teacher, I learned that a little bit of personal at-
tention can mean a lot to a lonely teenager. The first day of class I have students write down
their likes and dislikes, so that during the semester I can use stories that appeal to them and
their interests. I do my best to get them to speak and to let everyone know that I think what
they have to say is important. I tell students that being wrong is really not a big deal.
I put smiley faces on homework. I have 17-year-olds who come up to me and ask if they
can get a smiley face. If a student has not shown up in class for a while and comes back or
hands in homework after missing a few assignments, I write them a personal note saying its
great to see you doing your work.
I now realize that many teachers ignore quiet girls, so I pay special attention to them. I no-
tice them a lot, although I do not usually call on them unless they volunteer. I know if some
of my teachers had called on me, I probably would have cried. Instead, I go over to the quiet
ones after class and encourage them to join in. Sometimes it works and they become more
willing to participate.
Last semester, a girl wanted to read me an essay she wrote for her English class about
bulimia. She was signaling that she had an eating problem and was reaching out to me. I told
her my story, was able to persuade her to speak with a counselor, and she is now getting
help. In the future, I want to help young women deal with self-esteem issues so they can ad-
dress their feelings before they turn into eating disorders.
As teachers, we often get caught up in lesson planning and the details of what we have to
do the next day. We forget that teaching is really about the students. Helping young people
feel special is the most important part of teaching for me.
A Couple Since They Were 14
Samuel Charles and Ruth Santos are pseudonyms. The authors of these essays were inner-city
youth targeted for failure in our society. They decided to use pseudonyms to respect the privacy of
family members. Samuel and Ruth grew up in the Baychester section of the Bronx in New York
City. It is a neighborhood dominated by a large public housing project where poverty and drug-
related crime were endemic during their teen years. In school, they both resisted placement in ac-
ademically advanced classes because they did not want to be teased by the other children.
Samuel’s father was a “numbers” runner for an illegal gambling operation, one of the few jobs
available for an African American male in his community. He abandoned the family while Sam-
uel was a young boy and Samuel’s mother had to work two jobs to keep them together. Because of
this, Samuel had major responsibilities supervising his younger brother. As they grew older, Sam-
uel turned to sports, whereas his brother became involved with drugs and violence, eventually
ending up in jail.
234 CHAPTER 9