Even though she knows she’s not having a heart attack, Jane will still
be feeling intense dread that is probably focused on her own physiology
rather than an external threat. Most people in the throes of a panic attack
believe that they will either pass out, have a stroke or heart attack, or at
least wet their pants if they don’t do something to decrease their anxiety
immediately. Rarely do any of these things actually happen, but panicky
people seldom stay with their fear long enough to find out. Instead, they
try to escape to a place of safety—either physically, by running away from
wherever they are, or psychologically, by turning off the internal stimula-
tion with something they get from a doctor, or by medicating themselves
with drugs or alcohol. The problem is, running from imaginary danger
makes the fear worse the next time, because the only coping strategy the
person has learned is to escape.
As we will see throughout this book, escaping from negative emo-
tion is a powerful and dangerous motivator. It teaches people to mindlessly
repeat whatever they did to achieve it, without regard for long term dam-
age to themselves and others. The desire to escape from pain is itself the
cause of emotional explosions, and of why they’re repeated. Indeed, it’s
the dark engine that runs most psychological disorders. Many of the dif-
ficult situations described in this book are the result of misguided attempts
to escape discomfort that lead people into greater pain.
On that philosophical note, let’s go back to Jane’s panic attack at the
mall. Unless your heart is made of stone, you probably want to help her.
But how? Your own fight or flight response is by now clanging away,
encouraging you to aid in her escape. I’m telling you that will make her
worse. What do you do?
How you respond depends on how close you are to Jane. If she’s
merely an acquaintance, you might want to do just what she asks. Get her
home as quickly as possible, and cross her off your list of shopping part-
ners. The immediate relief procedure is how they treat panic attacks in
emergency rooms, giving people a shot of something to calm them down
and sending them somewhere else for real treatment. It’s not a bad solu-
tion if you’re never going to see the person again.
But if Jane is a close friend or family member, you might want to try
another approach, one that involves helping her face her fear rather than
running from it. Unpleasant and difficult as this sounds, it is far easier to
The Blast Zone ❧ 11