You’ve been on hold for 45 minutes, listening to inane music and
recordings that say your call is important. Finally, a tech
answers. You try to explain the strange things your computer has
been doing just before it crashes. The words are scarcely out of
your mouth before he says, “It sounds like a software problem.
You’ll have to contact the software manufacturer about that.”
The software manufacturer’s tech said it was a hardware
problem.MUTUAL PERCEPTION OF BEING WRONGED. In all instinctual strug-
gles, both sides feel that they’re the most aggrieved. This misperception
is undoubtedly a software problem, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
After you hang up, the tech leans back, looks at the guy in the
next cubicle and shakes his head. “Another electronic moron. I
don’t know where these idiots come from.”
The other tech nods. Then they press the button for
another call.So it goes. Ethology teaches us that the connection of anger and vio-
lence with certain situations is programmed into our very being. To avoid
being hurt by angry explosions, you must recognize these situations in
their many guises and avoid them, or at least avoid mindlessly playing out
the internal scripts that were written on your brain before the dawn of civ-
ilization.
How to Defuse Anger
Following these steps will help you deal more effectively with explosions
into anger, regardless of who or what causes them. This approach is based
on understanding the instinct of anger as well as its physiology and psy-
chology. The main goal is to protect yourself by avoiding unintended provo-
cation. A useful side effect is winning arguments, not by beating your
opponents and urinating on them, but by besting them in a battle of wits.
The odds bear repeating: If they’re operating by instinct, and you’re using
The Instinct for Anger ❧ 233