about what treatment involves and how it’s going. If you don’t, think like
a therapist. Why should it be a secret? Who has something to hide?
Sense of Humor
All the best therapists I know have a sense of humor. Shrinks who take them-
selves too seriously encourage their clients to do the same. If your therapist
would object to being called a shrink, he or she might be too uptight.
Therapists must maintain a balance between the client’s internal world,
their own, and external reality. Humor is one of the only forces in the uni-
verse capable of being in all three places at once. The hallmark of thera-
peutic skill is inspiring people to laugh at the abyss; it’s impossible for
therapists who can’t laugh at themselves.
Humor is necessary, but so is sensitivity to the audience. If you don’t
think your therapist is funny, he or she is probably not appropriate for you,
unless you don’t think anyoneis funny.
Looking, Sounding, and Acting Like a Regular Person
Therapists should have good contact with external reality, and should
demonstrate this by seeming normal. A good therapist should not be
recognizable as a therapist outside the office, except perhaps for the
comfortable shoes. In the trade, one of the highest accolades we can
bestow on another practitioner is saying he or she is a “regular person.”
This means having an identity beyond being a therapist.
Therapists, by virtue of their profession, are no saner or more spiritual
than bankers or accountants. The greatest temptation is believing that we
actually arethe all-knowing, all-caring people our clients want us to be,
and that our opinions are the standard by which sanity should be judged.
God help you if your therapist has a God complex.
The Ability to Listen
Therapists have to be able to listen. It’s the minimum requirement. Listen-
ing means being able to focus on the client’s needs first. This starts with
returning phone calls, keeping appointments, and remembering what was
discussed last time. If you feel your therapist is not listening to what you
have to say, or talks more about him or herself than about you, or seems to
be spouting prerehearsed material about what people with your diagnosis
are supposed to think and feel, you’re probably in the wrong place.
280 ❧Explosions into Anger