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August 2019 | REDONLINE.CO.UKself
Some things are
meant to be
Recently, Billie asked me, ‘Aren’t you
pleased that the IVF didn’t work?
Because, if it had, you wouldn’t have
had me.’ And I replied, ‘Actually, Billie,
I am.’ And I meant it with all my heart.
Billie is my daughter and I wouldn’t
change any of the things that led up to having her.
A friend once said to me, ‘A snowflake never lands
in the wrong place,’ and now I know what she means.
I don’t know how Billie’s life is going to turn out,
but I will do everything I can to help her be the
happiest she can be. We have an invisible line
joining us that will always be there; it can’t be broken.
It’s not just that I made a promise to help her. I truly
believe it was meant to be. I do believe you are given
what you need, although it might not be what you
think you want at that time.8
Life doesn’t always
go to plan, but
that’s okay
Chris and I split up when
Billie was five. Life can be
unexpected; my plan was to
be in a happy marriage with a biological
child, and look how that turned out.
However, Chris and I get on better
now than we ever did, I’m getting
married to chef John Torode and we
all parent together. A blended family
comes with its ups and
downs, but I don’t think
it’s been a bad thing
for Billie. I hope I have
shown her what it
is to be in a loving
relationship, and that
life comes with its rips
and tears, but they
can be sewn up again.7
Adoption
shouldn’t
be a secret
Billie has always known
about her past, it’s been
a constant conversation,
albeit age appropriate. I see it as Billie’s
story to tell. The idea of adoption is
not always easy for other children to
understand; they imagine her being
picked from rows of cots
in an orphanage, like
Tracy Beaker or Annie.
Billie knows she can
ask me anything,
although most of the
time she doesn’t want
to talk about it. It’s often
milestones that bring
it up, such as starting
secondary school. We
recently went to see
the film Instant Family,
which is about adoption, with a friend
who has two adopted children, too. Us
mums were sobbing, but Billie was like,
‘Stop it, Mum, you’re so embarrassing!’6
‘LIFE HAS RIPS
AND TEARS,
BUT THEY
CAN BE SEWN
UP AGAIN’
Find strength
in support
During the whole process, my sister
and my dad were my lifeboats.
My friends were lovely, but it was
my sister who, every day, would sit
and listen to me talk about what
I was going to do next. Without
those two, I wouldn’t have had the strength to carry on.
Mum, who died when I was just 16, also gave me
a whole load of strength. That’s because she’d given
me what I try to give to Billie: love and security.
And, if you have that as a child, I think you have
a fighting chance of getting through anything.5
‘We have an
invisible line
joining us thatcan’t be broken’
Meant To Be (Ebury) by Lisa Faulkner is out now
PHO
TOG
RAPHY:^
CLARA^
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