The Sunday Times Magazine • 21ast Sunday was not
an easy one for Kate
Ferdinand. She
thought Mother’s
Day would improve
once she had a child
of her own. Instead,
it has got harder.
“It’s a day I really
struggle with,”
says the one-time
reality TV star and
wife of the former
England footballer
Rio Ferdinand.
Rio’s first wife,
Rebecca, died of breast cancer in 2015,
leaving behind three small children. Just
over two years later he lost his mother,
leaving the family doubly bereft. These days
Mother’s Day in the Ferdinand house is
bittersweet. They enjoy a big family Sunday
lunch with the new addition, 15-month-old
Cree — but it’s also marked with a visit to
the cemetery.
“It’s a minefield, emotionally,” Kate says.
“It’s like the whole world is celebrating
this day, but how can I when my family had
such a deep loss? In another life I think it
would have been something I’d really look
forward to.”
That phrase “in another life” is quite
telling. After Kate (née Wright), a star of
the reality TV series The Only Way Is Essex,
began dating Rio in 2017, she stepped into
someone else’s life. They got married in
2019, and went on to make an intimate and
very moving BBC documentary called Rio
and Kate: Becoming a Stepfamily, which left
me and many other viewers in tears when
it aired last year. It followed Kate as she
moved into the Ferdinand family home,
a large new-build house in Kent designed
by Rio’s late wife. We watched this young
woman in her late twenties — who had
never had to cook a meal or do a school run
before — picking up the reins, trying to be
a parent to Rio’s three children, Lorenz,
who is now 15, Tate, 13, and Tia, 10.
She had no experience of looking after
children, no younger siblings, nieces or
nephews to draw on. “I was an only child.
I just lived with my mum, but I always
dreamt of a having a big family. I just didn’t
quite know how I’d get it.”
Now four years on from moving in with
Rio, Kate, 30, wants to help other people in
a similar position via a new podcast series
called Blended. “When I met Rio, I was new
to all of this... and I was naive. I didn’t
realise how tough it would be and I really
struggled,” Kate says. When the BBC
documentary makers put her in contact
with other people going through similar
things, “it was like a breath of fresh air. You
feel better that you’re not alone.”
Step-families are the fastest growing
family type in the UK. It is thought one in
four of all families are now blended. WhenKate started posting about being a stepmum
on social media, people responded by
asking her for help. “And I thought, wow,
there is a gap for this. We need something
to support people who become part of a
blended family. So I created an Instagram
account and I shared stuff on there.” The
podcast is a follow-on from that.
The Ferdinands’ home is in a gated
community. My taxi is escorted by security
from the entrance down a long leafy lane
bordered by huge mansions with
manicured front gardens and multiple
garages. On a sunny day with clear blue
skies, it is a scene of suburban perfection.
I’m greeted at the door by Kate’s PA, who
ushers me into a hallway where there is a
pram and baby paraphernalia. I look down
and exclaim. Instead of tiles or wooden
floorboards, the surface beneath our feet
looks like a contemporary artworkcomprising dozens of multicoloured
football boots suspended in Perspex boxes.
Kate appears in a crisp white T-shirt and
black tracksuit bottoms. Her blonde hair
pulled back tight in a bun, she looks very
natural, with glowing skin and understated
make-up. We sit down in a small living
room, which I suspect is used only for work
meetings, with dark blue walls and yellow
armchairs. The house smells of scented
candles. She curls up in an armchair and
looks at me with nervous apprehension.
I start by telling her I’m a stepmother too,
and that I feel we get a bad rap. “I blame the
Disney films,” she says, laughing. “All the
stepmums are evil and I want to change
that narrative.” So how do you avoid falling
into the trap of being the hated second
wife? “You make the children a priority,”
she says firmly. “Make sure they are
included in everything.”It was hard moving
into another woman’s
home. “There are a
lot of memories there
and I would never
tear the children away
from that”
From top: Kate and Rio on
a Christmas holiday with
Lorenz, Tate and Tia; Rio and
his first wife, Rebecca, who
died of cancer in 2015L
➤PREVIOUS PAGES: DAN KENNEDY FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE.
HAIR: SARRAH HAMID. MAKE-UP: MIKEY PHILLIPS. STYLING: ELLIS RANSON.
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