The Sunday Times Magazine - UK (2022-04-10)

The Sunday Times Magazine • 55

it and slippers with zips up the front. And

you can drive a Volvo and have a tartan

shopping trolley. It’s all a blessed relief.

I used to look at the adverts for gardening

trousers in the back of The Daily Telegraph

and snort with derision so hard that most

of what I’d imbibed the previous evening

came shooting of my nose. Not any more.

Now I look at them and think, “Hmm.

Those action side pockets look useful and

so too does that elasticated waistband.”

I started going for walks in the pandemic,

mainly because if I was far from the house

I was far from the fridge. This is something

I hated as a young man. I couldn’t see the

point of “going for a walk” if I was simply

going to end up back where I started. But I

love it now because I can see the hedgerows

changing with the seasons and I can pause a
while to study an interesting-looking bird’s
nest. And when I get home I can look it up in
a book to find out what sort of bird made it.
That’s what’s happened then. I used to
get my kicks from doing “bombing” at the
swimming pool. Now I get them by putting
on my spectacles and looking at nests.
This is because, when you are old, you no
longer need to make the best use of your
time. You need to waste it. You need to fill
the hours and that’s why gardening now
holds some appeal. I bought some secateurs
the other day and find them mildly arousing.
I also enjoy using my new wheelbarrow.
Plus, if you make your garden beautiful,
you are creating a legacy that will last for
REX, MATRIX PICTURES, ALPHA PRESS hundreds of years. Unless, of course,

From left: on a family holiday aged nine in the 1960s; flying the flag in the 1970s; double denim in the 1990s

Ageing is

mostly bad but

it simply doesn’t

matter what

you look like. It’s

a blessed relief ➤