Similarly, the destructive aspect of Demeter is expressed by with-
holding what another person needs (in contrast to Hera and Artemis
who are actively destructive in their rage). A gravely depressed,
nonfunctioning new mother can be life endangering to her infant:
emergency room staff or a pediatrician may diagnose “failure to
thrive.” The baby has not gained weight, is listless, and may be
emaciated in appearance. Failure to thrive results when a mother
withholds emotional and physical contact from her infant, as well
as needed nutrition.
Mothers who refuse to speak to their young children for days, or
even longer periods, or who isolate their small children inflict psy-
chological damage through this form of withholding. Such mothers
are themselves usually seriously depressed and hostile.
Much more common than these extreme forms of withholding
are Demeter mothers who withhold approval as their children grow
more independent of them. While the mother’s depression is less
evident in these circumstances, withholding approval (which a child
needs for self-esteem) is also connected with depression. She exper-
iences her child’s growing autonomy as an emotional loss for herself.
She feels less needed and rejected, and as a result may be depressed
and angry.
CULTIVATING DEMETER
Without realizing it, women are cultivating Demeter and inviting
the archetype to become more active when they seriously consider
whether to have a child. As they consider the choice, they notice
pregnant women (who were seemingly invisible before, and now
seem ever present), they notice babies, they seek out people with
children, and they pay attention to children themselves. (All of these
activities are what Demeter women naturally do.) Women cultivate
Demeter by imagining themselves pregnant and having children.
As they notice pregnant women, hold babies, and give children their
full attention, the archetype may be evoked in them. Efforts to test
the strength of the maternal instinct can bring it forth if the archetype
is easily evocable, not otherwise.
A woman may seek to shift gears and be more maternal toward
a particular child, or she may want to be loved by a
Goddesses in Everywoman