and there is some overlap—but the son-lover has the ability to love,
be loyal, or be remorseful. The sociopath lacks these capacities, which
makes a crucial difference. The sociopath acts on the assumption
that his needs entitle him to receive. He is incapable of emotional
intimacy or appreciation. His attitude suggests the question “What
have you done for me lately?" He forgets past generosity or sacrifices
on the part of the Demeter woman, as well as his past exploitative
behavior. He magnifies his needs—and that neediness invites a
generous Demeter response. A relationship with a sociopath may
tie up a Demeter woman’s emotional life for years and may drain
her financially.
Another typical Demeter mate is the man who wants “a girl just
like the girl who married dear old Dad.” As Little Oedipus, he may
have just been biding his time—he was the little boy of four or five
who wanted to marry his Mommy. Now he is a grown man who
seeks a maternal woman who will be a good mother to him. He
wants her to be nurturing, warm, responsive, and caretaking; to look
after his meals, buy and take care of his clothes, make sure he goes
to the doctor and dentist when he needs to, and arrange his social
life.
Of all the men who are attracted to Demeter qualities, the “family
man” is the only one who is himself mature and generous. This man
is strongly motivated by his wish to have a family, and he sees in
the Demeter woman a partner who shares the dream. Besides being
“a good daddy” for their children, this type of man also looks out
for her. If she has trouble saying no to people who would take ad-
vantage of her Demeter good nature, he can help her look out for
herself.
The family man also helps her fulfill herself through bearing
children. The other three types are threatened by the idea of children
and may insist on an abortion if she gets pregnant. This insistence
will put her into a maternal crisis: either reject the man she mothers,
or reject motherhood. The choice makes her feel like a mother given
the impossible choice of sacrificing one of two children.
SEXUALITY
When Demeter is the strongest goddess element in a woman’s
personality, her sexuality is usually not very impor-
Demeter: Goddess of Grain, Nurturer and Mother