she may have contributed to her children’s difficulties. She is con-
scious only of her positive intentions, not of the negative elements
that poisoned the relationship with her children.
Whether or not a Demeter mother has had a positive effect on her
children and is positively regarded by them depends on whether
she was like the goddess Demeter “before the abduction” or “after
the abduction.” Before the abduction of Persephone, Demeter trusted
that all was well (as Persephone played in the meadow) and went
about her activities. After the abduction, Demeter was depressed
and angry; she left Mt. Olympus and ceased to function.
The “before” phase takes many forms in real life. For the woman
who faces an empty nest when her last child leaves home and then
feels as if her sense of meaning has been “abducted,” the before
phase was the close and caring family life that lasted for some
twenty-five years. For the woman whose daughter defies her to live
with a man the mother considers an abducting Hades, the before
phase was when her daughter seemed an extension of herself who
shared the same values and hopes for the future.
Some Demeter mothers always fear that something bad may
happen to their child. These mothers may act as if they anticipate
the possibility of “an abduction” from the time a child is born. They
consequently limit the child’s independence and discourage the
formation of relationships with others. At the heart of the anxiety
that motivates them to act this way is a feared loss of the child’s af-
fection.
Circumstances may also be responsible for activating the negative
side of Demeter. One woman recalled that for six years after her
daughter was born she existed as though in a state of grace. The
world was safe, motherhood was fulfilling and fun. Then an event
occurred that was as distressing and sudden as Hades emerging
from a vent in the earth. One afternoon the mother left her daughter
in the care of a sitter. The daughter wandered off to a neighbor’s
house and was sexually molested. Afterward, the child became
fearful and anxious, had nightmares, and was apprehensive around
men—even her father.
The mother raged, grieved, and felt guilty because she had not
been there to prevent the incident. Before, she had
Demeter: Goddess of Grain, Nurturer and Mother