right time in her life, she must resist Demeter by being vigilant about
birth control.
Fatigue, headaches, menstrual cramps, ulcer symptoms, high
blood pressure, and back pains are common in Demeter women
who have trouble saying no or expressing anger when they are
overworked and overloaded with too many responsibilities or chil-
dren. The message indirectly conveyed through these symptoms is
“I am worn out, pressured, and in pain—don’t ask me to do any
more!” They are also expressions of low-grade, chronic depression,
which results when a woman cannot protest effectively, represses
her anger, and resents a situation of Demeter’s making.
FOSTERING DEPENDENCY
A Demeter woman’s superabundant capacity for mothering can
be flawed by her need for her child to need her and by her anxiety
when her child is “out of her sight.” She will foster dependency and
keep her child “tied to her apron strings.” She may also do so in
other relationships. For example, she may mother “the dependent
child” as she mothers “the poor little boy” in her lover and takes
care of “the anxious child” in her friend.
Such a woman infantilizes others by her attempts to be indispens-
able (“Mother knows best”) or overcontrolling (“Let me do it for
you”). This tendency fosters feelings of insecurity and inadequacy
in the other person. In the kitchen, for example, she may encourage
her young daughter to learn to cook. But she supervises closely and
then always adds the final touches at the end. Whatever the daughter
does, the mother gives her message that “It’s not good enough” and
“You need me to do it right.” In a work situation, it is the same. She
is the supervisor, editor, or mentor that “knows best” how the work
should be done and thus may take it over, which stifles originality
and self-confidence in her “child” and increases her own workload.
If people in her life need her, an anxious Demeter woman feels
secure. If they grow in independence and competence, she may be
threatened. To stay in her good graces, and to be the recipient of her
care and concern, often requires staying in a dependent role.
Goddesses in Everywoman