be changed, a Demeter woman’s growth is thwarted until she can
see the whole picture. Demeter women have good intentions—which,
coupled with the need to see themselves as good mothers, block
their receptiveness to these insights. Such women are often very
defensive. They counter criticism with statements about their good
intent (“I was only trying to help”) or with a list of the many positive
and generous actions that they, in fact, do.
Just as the Demeter woman has difficulty saying no because she
identifies with the good and giving mother, so she also resists ac-
knowledging her anger at those she loves. For the same reasons, she
denies the possibility that she may be engaging in passive-aggressive
behavior and that she may be overcontrolling or fostering depend-
ency. However, she does know that she is disappointed at not being
appreciated, and she can admit to feeling depressed. If she is willing
to explore these avenues, then she may gradually allow knowledge
of her negative Demeter traits to become conscious. Acknowledging
them is the biggest obstacle. Changing her behavior is the easier
task.
BECOMING HER OWN GOOD MOTHER
A Demeter woman needs to “employ” Demeter on her own behalf
instead of instinctively responding to others as if she herself were
Demeter. When she’s asked to take on another responsibility, she
needs to learn to focus on herself the caretaking concern she so
readily feels for others. She can ask herself, “Is this something you
really want to do now?” and “Do you have enough time and en-
ergy?” When she has been treated badly, she needs to reassure herself
that “You deserve better treatment” and encourage herself to “Go
tell them” of her needs.
EXPANDING BEYOND DEMETER
Unless a Demeter woman consciously makes room in her life for
other-than-Demeter relationships, she may stay locked in one pattern,
being “just Demeter.” If she is a married woman with children, will
she make the effort to get away with her
Goddesses in Everywoman