MARRIAGE
Marriage is something that often “happens to” a Persephone wo-
man. She gets “abducted” into marriage when a man wants to get
married and persuades her to say yes. If she is a typical Persephone,
she may not be sure that she wants to marry. She is swept away by
the man’s insistence and certainty and is influenced by the cultural
assumption that marriage is what she is supposed to do. By nature,
Persephone women have “traditionally feminine” personalities.
They defer to the stronger person, are receptive rather than active,
are not competitive or pushy. Men choose them, not vice versa.
Once married, the Persephone woman may go through stages
paralleling the Persephone myth and may become the unwillingly
bride or pawn caught between her husband and mother. Marriage
may also turn out to be an unsought transformative event through
which the eternal girl or maiden becomes the married matron,
mother, or sexual woman as the Hera and/or Demeter and/or
Aphrodite archetypes become activated by marriage.
A newlywed husband described the painful dramas between him
and his Persephone wife: “She treats me as if I were responsible for
ruining her life, when all I did was fall in love with her and want to
get married right away. Last week I needed to get a form to the bank
that day and my day was back-to-back appointments, so I asked
her—and she accused me of treating her like a servant. Lovemaking
happens only when I initiate it; and then she acts as if I were a rap-
ist.” He was confused, angry, and depressed by what went on
between them. He felt she treated him as if he were an insensitive,
oppressive beast; he felt wounded and powerless because his wife
reacted as if she were a captive Persephone and he were Hades the
abductor, who held her prisoner.
Persephone women who are unwilling brides only make a partial
commitment. They get married with mental reservations. One said,
“I was living with some roommates and had a boring job. He wasn’t
the Prince Charming I had dreamed of, but he wanted the same
things I thought I did—a home and a family—and was dependable,
so I said yes. This Persephone was only partially committed to her
husband. Emotionally, she
Goddesses in Everywoman