1
ONE
Introduction
Loss is at the heart of life and growth. When we wrote this in the first edition of
this text, it reflected a relatively new understanding of some functions of loss
and grief. Now, nearly a decade later, it is not at all controversial. Life changes
and maturation are understood to result from losing (changing) an attachment
relationship, a prior lifestyle, a behavior pattern, or otherwise modifying the
status quo. We regularly encounter books that suggest that individuals grow
and mature as a result of loss (Okun & Nowinski, 2011). Still, we are cautious
and observe Klass’ admonition (2013) to avoid approaching grief as if it will
always create growth and we recognize that the sorrow involved may linger.
Yet, as practitioners who strive to assist clients in their growth, we must be
aware that change and maturation, even toward a more positive state of func-
tioning, often involve losses that are unrecognized, but felt nonetheless.
We offer this text to reflective practitioners of all levels of experience, as
well as to educators searching for a text on loss that explicates developmen-
tal differences. We have significantly revised this edition with new literature,
more information about technology and social media, integration of new neu-
robiological understandings and discussion of how attachment, trauma, and
mindfulness practices may intersect with grief and loss. We believe that our
focus on loss as a normal, though destabilizing, experience has been welcomed
by educators, practitioners, and grievers because it reflects more closely the
experiences they have gone through following losses of various sorts.
Here, we convey the most recent understandings of loss and grief theory,
trauma and attachment theories, developmental aspects of grief from a bio-
psychosocial perspective (including neurobiological and genetic information),
research on specific responses to loss situations, and discussion of interven-
tion strategies that are supported by practice wisdom and empirically based
research. Normal maturational changes are recognized not only as growth,
but also as a special form of loss in which one is expected to delight in the
growth and ignore the loss aspect of the change, a perspective we challenge.
The customary, destabilizing force of loss promotes self-reflection and this can
lead to growth, particularly when the mourner’s experience is validated and
supported.
Our approach toward what is customary or typical is quite deliberate. We
not only identify various losses that are common during different developmen-
tal stages, but maintain that loss and subsequent grief is normal. We are using
the term normal in the sociological sense meaning that it reflects statistical
norms: It reflects the most common experience. We are not using it to indicate
that there is moral content attached to the occurrence. Loss and grief, though
uncomfortable, are part of human existence and can produce growth and
