8 Middle Adulthood 233mediating factor in their study. I certainly knew that mine had dropped dra-
matically when I realized we would both be unemployed.
During the time after my job ended, I had a very hard time not losing
my sense of confidence in my abilities. At the very time I needed to be able
to “sell” myself and my abilities during interviews, I found myself wonder-
ing what they thought of my accent, my clothing, my style. I wondered about
prejudices and even doubted my own capabilities. It was a very dark time.
I tried to enjoy having “free time” for the first time since I was a child—but
it gave me too much time to think about all the things that could go wrong. I also
found it a bit disorienting to have nothing that defined the time I needed to wake
up or go to sleep, no set responsibilities that I must fulfill, and no coworkers to
collaborate with while implicitly recognizing our value to the work and to each
other. I also strongly felt the losses of a sense of purpose and relevance.
Only recently, I have found a job as a consultant for the state of
Pennsylvania. It requires extensive travel to get to and from work, and it is not
a long-term, guaranteed job, but a 2-year consulting contract. Nevertheless,
it reminds me of the fine skills I have and gives structure to my days again.
I realize that, like many losses, once that space is filled again, a lot of healing
takes place. Yet I also think of the little things that helped along the way. One of
the more important ways my family and I coped with the job situation was to
involve our extended family (brothers and sisters) who were open and willing
to listen and help. All we needed to do was ask.
Looking back, I believe I have learned some lessons. I realized I needed
to stay connected with my church, friends and family for support. I also found
comfort in believing that life is bigger than my circumstances. This belief
comes from my faith background, which teaches us that God has a plan for
me. Faith brought balance at times in the way I looked at my life. Even though
I was depressed, I convinced myself that God’s plan for me was happening
even if I did not understand or see it. In those moments, I was forced to look
for positive things that were going on regardless of everything else. I always
saw something positive (often feeling minor in comparison to the loss), yet
that was what reminded me that not all was lost.SUMMARY
Middle adulthood is a stage of life when much energy goes into transforma-
tion of the self in view of the finite nature of life. Losses in middle adulthood
are informed by this realization that one is mortal. There is a press to contrib-
ute in a meaningful way to society so that one can leave a legacy to mark one’s
life. Social workers and counselors can work with adults like Jean (widow),
Clare (divorcée), and Kudu (job loss) by helping them realistically identify
strengths and weaknesses and helping them realize what they have accom-
plished, achievements often denied during the transitions of loss.
Midlife adults face many potential losses: of parents, siblings, spouses/
partners, cousins, health, and jobs. Meaning-making and the use of continu-
ing bonds seem to be ways that midlife adults can weather the storm of loss,