240 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
Although Schlossberg (2004) agrees with Ibarra that for many adults in
this phase the “path is marked by trial and error” when there are starts and
stops to many paths, she believes a combination of the two approaches is
ideal. Adults may start out in a planned, logical fashion by making one move
prior to making another. Later, they may discover that they need to move to
a more experimental, searching experience in which there may be many fits
and starts.
Malinda’s story at the beginning of this chapter clearly demonstrates
some of the frustration that an adult in this phase can experience when she
or he begins this phase with a planned approach but discovers that the jour-
ney of reinvention is often one of fits and starts. At the end of this chap-
ter, Marcia also did a lot of preretirement planning and describes how she
learned that “retirement is not a destination. It is a journey... you see a lot,
and sometimes get off at the wrong station and can’t figure out how to get
back on track.” Although exploring new activities and lifestyles may lead
to frustration when it is not the right fit, it may also lead to gains in self-
awareness as to who one is and what is most gratifying and/or meaningful.
When one of Marcia’s friends suggested that retirement is not work, Marcia
realized that she was working too hard on retirement. When she gave her-
self time to experience the anxiety of the unknown, she realized that she
could live a more satisfying life by letting go of her plan and embracing the
unknown future.
This transition may also be a difficult process because the adult facing
reinvention often has young adult children who are trying to match their skills
and sense of self with the environment. For young adults, the world is their
oyster in terms of time available for identity work, while for older adults, the
press of time is heavy. For adults whose work was central to their identity,
retirement may trigger depression. The greater commitment one has had to
one’s work, the greater the loss when that role disappears. For many adults,
this transition may be experienced as a maturational loss and in some sense a
disenfranchised loss, as others may not validate the intensity of the loss due to
the growth that is observed following this transition.
Some retirees do not experience an identity crisis because they are
pleased with their new status. Schlossberg (2004) discusses the case of a couple
who were skilled professionals and had devoted decades to their work. They
became retirees who wanted to make the most of the time after they retired at
ages 55 and 56. They adapted to their new status quickly and easily by decid-
ing not to work in their professional fields, either as volunteers or profession-
als. They moved to a different part of the country and began traveling to spend
more time with their children and many grandchildren, to engage in sports,
and a fulfilling social life. They appeared to be content with their retirement,
neither retreating nor searching. To this couple, work was not part of their new
equation for fulfillment.
Other retirees downsize to an extreme, “choosing a life of travel over a
life of tending to possessions” (Wallis, 2014). There are growing numbers of
retirees who are selling their homes (including possessions) and buying recre-
ational vehicles so that they can travel all over the United States. These retir-
ees report that although the purging of possessions was anxiety producing at
first, it was ultimately liberating (Wallis, 2014). There is no right or wrong path