Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan, Second Edition

2 Perinatal Attachment and Loss 57

from living a healthy, full life, as well as against the capabilities the mother and

her support network provide, means that each situation will have a unique

calculus. When there is a fetal demise, the parents lose the potential child and

the growing attachment they had, but they also lose all of the hopes, dreams,

and fantasies they experienced as they anticipated the birth of a new family

member. Despite the fact that these losses are hidden from view and seldom

acknowledged, losses at this time are some of the most potent as they occur

before the bereaved have the chance to formulate memories to enable grieving

rituals and active mourning. Interventions need to acknowledge and validate

the loss or losses while supporting the healthy formation of families during

this foundational stage.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What are your own beliefs about the nature of an embryo or fetus and how
   do you believe this may inform grief work you might do with women after
   a pregnancy loss?


2. What are your beliefs about the challenges and benefits of raising a child
   with a developmental disability? Does the level of cognitive or physical
   intensity of challenge make a difference to your thoughts about raising the
   child?


3. If a friend revealed that she had experienced a recent miscarriage, how
   might your approach to her differ after having read this chapter?