59THREEInfancy, Toddlerhood, and Preschool
Ethan, at age 4, solemnly carried the small casket of Polly. He had gathered his
friends and family together for the funeral of his semi-developed polliwog. Polly
had developed back legs and the tail had dropped off, but then development stopped.
Two days earlier, Polly had been found dead. Ethan had recently attended his
grandfather’s funeral and wanted the same ritual for Polly. He asked his mother to
engage the minister from their church and set the funeral date. He and his father dug
a grave by the side of the house and his mother called friends’ mothers to be sure they
were aware of the plans and willing to allow their children to participate.
The minister certainly was not going to preside over a tadpole funeral,
so Ethan’s mom talked with a friend who had been a minister and he agreed to
officiate. His wife wrote a poem in honor of Polly’s brief life. The little procession
had reached the graveside and the minister had announced they were gathered to
bury the mortal body of Polly when 5-year-old Christian piped up that Polly could
not go to heaven because “animals don’t go to heaven—the Pope says so.” Debate
among the children ensued until the three adults moved the funeral along. Ethan
cried a bit (some tears genuine and some seemingly forced) and the group “bid
adieu to Polly Wog.”
Several parents were in touch with Ethan’s mother over the next week to say
that their children came home to talk with them about whether pets could go to
heaven, and all were reassured that they could. The parents generally were happy
to discuss death in the context of a pet death rather than the demise of a loved one.
Ethan continued to include Polly in his prayers each night for several months, but he
seemed happy to think that his grandfather was caring for Polly in heaven.OBJECTIVES
After reading this chapter the reader will be able to:■ Describe the psychosocial and biological development of humans from
birth to approximately age 5.
■ Trace the ways cognitive developments affect children’s understanding of
death and its subsequent impact on the child at different young ages.
■ Identify how parents and others grieve when a child dies who is not yet
well integrated into community.
■ Analyze the maturational milestones that involve growth and yet entail
losses as children move through infancy, toddlerhood, and into school.