12 Towards Social Maternity: Where’s the Mother? ... 301to be ‘ultra-prepared’ and begins asking friends who are parents for
advice. Knowing that ‘nursing is a natural process but it is also learned
through observation and sharing’ ( 2016 : 61), he decides to attend a
LLL meeting. MacDonald is fortunate that a close friend, Simone, is a
volunteer leader with the local LLL group, and she agrees to introduce
him to the women at the meeting. Simone lends MacDonald literature
on breastfeeding after reduction surgery and provides other advice. She
will also go on to become a primary donor as she continues to breast-
feed her youngest daughter.
By the time MacDonald gives birth to Jacob—at home, with mid-
wives in attendance—he has produced a small amount of colostrum
through hand-expressing; and he has discovered that with the help of an
at-the-nipple supplementing tube linked to a bottle of expressed donor
milk, he can feed Jacob at his chest, hoping that even a brief period of
breastfeeding will be beneficial. The process is painful and difficult, with
MacDonald only having a tiny amount of breast tissue to assist Jacob’s
latch; and the use of the supplemental tubing adds to the awkwardness
of the process. They battle on valiantly nevertheless, with MacDonald
producing a small quantity of milk, but most coming from donors. So
begins a breastfeeding relationship that becomes a central feature of the
small family’s life.
MacDonald’s visit to the LLL group marks the first of many risky
encounters where he tentatively explains to strangers his transgen-
der status and his intention to breastfeed—in this case, to a group of
nursing mothers. This process of coming out, many times, in order to
receive help to breastfeed his baby, or in seeking acceptance from others
to do so in their presence, becomes a recurring theme of the book. One
of the most interesting outcomes of what amounts to a months-long
social experiment is the unanimous alacrity with which those he seeks
help from are more than willing to assist. Ultimately, he receives more
offers than he needs, and in one or two cases he decides against a donor
when it becomes apparent that her diet is compromised or that she is a
smoker.
Throughout their quest to find sufficient donated milk to support
Jacob without formula supplements, MacDonald and his partner inter-
act with a wide cross section of breastfeeding parents, who become