The Times Magazine 41fault, who just needed something, anything
to change. With so much time to reflect, lots
of people found their priorities shifting. But
of those changing careers, moving cities or
breaking up with a partner or friendship
group now, I wonder how many aren’t actually
unhappy with their lot, but just envious of
everyone else’s? After so much sameness in
our lives, it is easy to envy anything different.
I suppose it should appease me that
someone is a little envious of me. But instead,
I’m distracted by an Instagram post: someone
I know has packed up life in the UK and
moved to Portugal, intending to work
remotely. Comparison culture isn’t new,
but it’s especially tied to social media for
millennials like me. That’s where we share
the glossiest slices of our lives – and so that’s
where we find the most to make us envious.
And with the balance for so many of us still
skewed towards scrolling at home rather than
socialising in person, it can feel endless.
“We become envious when we compare
ourselves with other people and feel we don’t
measure up,” says Clyde. “Who can really say
they have been their best selves these past
two years? We’ve all got older and, for many
of us, our lives stalled significantly. Seeing
other people thriving when we feel ourselves
to have stagnated is a big trigger.”
“I’m jealous of anyone who had a ‘glow up’
in lockdown,” says one half of a married couple
I know. “Anyone who worked out a lot and got
really fit – or used the time productively, read a
book a week, learnt a new skill or language.”
For that couple, juggling childcare and
work was all-consuming. There was no
time for self-improvement or even self-care.
Though emerging from the pandemic witha solid marriage is an achievement in itself- the number of divorce inquiries to Stowe
Family Law firm in January-March 2021
was up 95 per cent compared with the previous
year. Naturally, I’m envious of their happy
relationship, but also equally envious of one
friend who’s currently going on a series of
very fun first dates.
Most of my own envy is money-related.
I was lucky enough to work consistently
throughout the pandemic without any loss
of earnings, and without falling into debt
or needing support. That felt like a big
achievement at the time – until I realised the
leaps and bounds that other people had made.
Treading water and drowning weren’t the
only options: some have walked away from
this with big new jobs, or big bonuses from
companies for whom business boomed through
lockdowns. Just like in wartime, some people
made their fortunes during the pandemic.
But even those who did tick off things on
their life plan to-do lists over the past few
years have grounds for envy. One woman
I know was just a few weeks pregnant with
her first child when the first lockdown began,
and she attended all of her scans alone and
her NCT classes over Zoom, so she didn’t
make any mum friends and spent her
maternity leave pushing a pram around the
park alone. Her parents, who live a five-hour
drive away, couldn’t visit for months. Her baby
shower was an outdoor lunch of four people
on a cold and rainy October day – the best we
could manage under the circumstances.
“I have latent motherhood envy,” she says.
“I felt like I was very stoical about having a
pandemic baby and a pandemic maternity
leave. But now that I’m seeing other people’s
experiences not in lockdown, I’m comparing
them with what I had and feeling sorry
for myself.”
But there is an upside to feeling so green.
In the context of work, I’ve often found envy
useful – if I feel that way about someone else’s
achievement, it gives me something to aim for.
Envy can help us work out what is it that we
actually want.
“It’s really important to know that all
feelings, particularly the difficult ones, are
just signposts,” says Clyde.
“Inquire into the feeling – what am
I envious of, really? Do I really want to go
skiing, or do I want to be the kind of person
who could do that if they chose? We often
find that we aren’t chasing an object or an
experience (a skiing holiday), but a feeling.
Perhaps a sense of belonging that comes from
going on holiday with a group of friends, or
the feeling of freedom you might get from
hurtling down a slope, or the money required
for these kinds of adventures.”
As for me? I wouldn’t mind the belonging
or the freedom or the money. Or the fondue
or the après-ski wardrobe. But at the same
time, I’m quite looking forward to spending
the weekend tending my tiny balcony garden
instead. It’s only a fraction of the size of the
Joneses’ newly spruced-up garden next door,
but it’s up on the second floor, so it gets
glorious sunshine all day while their lawn
is mostly in the shade. Which, now that
I think about it, might be why they applied
for planning permission to build one of their
own in the first place – because they saw
what I had and felt... envious. A bit of a crass
reaction, really, but then I suppose some
people are never happy with their lot. n‘I’M JEALOUS OF THINGS THAT I HAVE NEVER WANTED BEFORE’
A Modern House property in
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