Putting on a French accent to say “croissant”Walking down the stairs on the
bus while it’s movingUsing hashtagsHaving a stack of toothpaste boxes
in their bathroom because their mum
doesn’t want them to run outTelling you they were in a band at uniGetting a too-short haircutMaking themselves a packed lunch that
would also be suitable for a small child
(special mention: yoghurt pots, especially
if they lick the lid)Calling their ex “crazy”Taking off their shirt at weddingsMoaning about having to
queue for anythingWearing sandals anywhere but the beach (and
if they’re wearing them with jeans, game over)Getting food stuck in their beardSpeaking in a posh phone voice or,
even worse, a baby voiceYo u ’ ve l o s t t h a t
loving feeling:
13 things that could
give you the ick
having to buy his own flat without financial
support from his parents. Those men didn’t
make it to second dates. But I’ve also had the
ick further along the line too — like the man
who only had biographies of sportsmen and
tech billionaires on his bookshelf. And the
aforementioned tennis player.
You can even get the ick in a long-term
relationship: like when my ex would refuse
to run for a train. Under any circumstances,
I might add: a nontransferable ticket, an
hour’s wait for the next one, someone
waiting to collect us at the other end. It
wasn’t that he couldn’t run — he ran the
London marathon while we were dating —
it’s just that he thought people looked
silly when they ran for trains. Maybe they
gave him the ick (and come to think of it,
I definitely gave him the ick when I double-
knotted my shoelaces because he never
stopped mentioning it). But the fact that he
minded so much about looking silly himself
— and every step of his smug, slow walk —
was a huge turn-off.
I asked a male friend if men are ever
aware of giving women the ick on a date?
“I don’t think my friends have that level of
self-awareness,” he said, but he has had
it himself: “I got the ick going into a girl’s
bedroom that was covered in Live Laugh
Love merch.” Did he leave immediately?
“I don’t think guys ever get the ick that
hard.” His wife (not the Live Laugh Love
woman) has a similar story — she got the ick
when a man she was seeing offered her a
“sleepy tea” at his house. “It wasn’t called
that on the box. Also it was the evening —
wine time — and I’d gone over to have sex
not a cup of camomile.”Another of my male friends says:
“Generally men might be more inclined, or
able, to ignore the ick in order to sleep with
someone if they are horny, but they wouldn’t
be able to sustain that in a relationship.” Not
that he and his male friends talk about it as
the ick — unlike the women I know who do
on WhatsApp.
“When a guy is at the barber’s and is in
his cloak and then is being pumped up on
the stool and his head is bobbing up,” reads
one woman’s ick. “Any male that refers to
his partner as ‘this one’ in an Insta caption,
like ‘Bank holidays with this one’.” “A man
being the egg in ‘crack the egg’ on the
trampoline.”
I had to google that one — and I’ve never
seen a man I dated on a trampoline, or at the
barber’s. And now I think it’s probably best
not to risk it. No trampolines, no barber’s,
no tennis or train rides or bike rides or
bedrooms or salads. But a few drinks down
the pub should be safe. Right? ■You can even get
the ick in a long-term
relationship
The Sunday Times Style • 23