KATE MARTIN, FABER
BOOKS TO LIVE BY●Mariella Frostrup
How to revive a lustless marriage
— and avoid having an affair
WRITE TO
MARIELLA
Got a dilemma?
Email mariella@
sunday-times.
co.uk. Anonymity
on requestQ
I had an affair but it ended when the pandemic
hit. My life went from being nerve-racking but
exciting to safe but boring. I do still love my
husband but our sexual relationship suffered
once our passionate twenties gave way to our
exhausted thirties. The other man was the
excitement I needed, even though he was actually
quite dull out of bed. Give me something to read,
please, that is as thrilling as an illicit relationship.
My marriage and my wonderful but undersexed
husband are at stake.A
OK, for starters, although you’re not specifically
asking me for books about sex, I’m going to
recommend a bumper edition I put together for
women like us — Desire: 100 of Literature’s Sexiest
Stories, an anthology of erotica by some of the most
evocative writers in the genre, compiled as a gift to my
too-often-overlooked sex. Feeling sexually attractive
can be a challenge in maturity, and chasing that elusive
frisson of passion at times can be a damaging exercise.Long-term relationships can become tedious if they
don’t evolve. Unless there’s more to keep that fire
burning than the physical spark, you’re going to be stuck
for conversation once you hit your second decade. That’s
why you have to consider everything your husband
brings to the table and work on your sex life with him.
The proliferation of porn has given humanity a whole
new universe of easy-access titillation, but it serves
women less well than men. So much of what’s available
is sex from the male gaze, which is less about eroticism
and more about contortionism. Pornography for and
by women is an emerging but still niche market.
Erotic stories, on the other hand, enable us to live out
fantasies with no collateral damage.
I’m slightly ashamed to admit that the months I
spent collecting the stories in Desire were among the
most satisfying of my life, long hours spent in my room
shouting “I’m reading!” to my abandoned children
when they tried to enter. Embrace the adrenaline rush
of passion on the page and maybe encourage your
husband to cuddle up and read over your shoulder ■Desire: 100 of Literature’s
Sexiest Stories
Chosen by Mariella Frostrup
and the Erotic Review
Head of Zeus, £15
This tome is divided into three
categories: Awakening Desire,
Burning Desire and Darkest
Desire, guiding you in your
pursuit of literary stimulation
from slightly seductive to
downright filthy. Featuring
some of our finest writers, from
Anaïs Nin to DH Lawrence,
John Fowles to Michel Faber
and the Marquis de Sade.The Story of O
Pauline Réage
Corgi Books, £8.99
An erotic 1950s classic that
makes Kubrick’s Eye’s Wide
Shut look like a Disney film;
it inhabits similar territory of
female subjection, but was
penned under a pseudonym
by the French writer Anne
Desclos. It was decried by
some feminists and still raises
hackles today: the heroine, O,
is taken to a château where
she is trained as a submissive
sex slave for a secret society.The Volcano Lover
Susan Sontag
Penguin, £12
This rare foray into fiction
from the feminist essayist,
set in Naples during the
Enlightenment, brims with
passion and decadence. It’s
a sensuous immersion into
one of history’s greatest love
affairs, between Admiral
Nelson and Emma Hamilton,
exploring the dominating force
of desire in human beings
incapable of withstanding the
force of their own impulses.Apple Tree Yard
Louise Doughty
Faber & Faber, £8.99
A psychological thriller that
begins with a passionate
public tryst in the Palace of
Westminster between the
narrator and a total stranger.
An eminent scientist, married
with a son, Yvonne is an
unlikely candidate for such a
sex-fuelled, sanity-abandoning
affair. Told in flashbacks while
Yvonne stands in the dock
accused of murder, it’s
salutary, scary and super-sexy.The Sunday Times Magazine • 65