C6 EZ RE THE WASHINGTON POST.MONDAY, APRIL 25 , 2022
TelevisionBROADCAST CHANNELS
4/25/22
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TV HIGHLIGHTS
9-1-1 (Fox at 8) The team helps a
social media influencer who has an
accident in a sauna.
All American (CW at 8) Spencer
realizes people are struggling with
crafting their own brands.
American Idol (ABC at 8) The top 11
contestants perform.
American Song C ontest (NBC at 8)
The semifinals begin with 10 artists,
and there’s a chance at redemption
for an 11th competitor.
Below Deck Sailing Yacht (Bravo
at 8) Gabriela looks forward to the
upcoming day off after opening up
to Daisy, and Ashley tries to woo
Gary.
The Price is Right at Night (CBS at
8) Rachel Brosnahan (“The
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) competes
for charity alongside contestants
who are vying for prizes including a
trip to Paris.
9-1-1: Lone Star (Fox at 9) Owen
has a revelation in therapy about his
anger issues, and a clown suffers an
emergency while working a birthday
party.
All American: Homecoming (CW
at 9) Simone gets everyone to rally
around Amara, who’s facing a tough
decision about her future, and
Marcus looks forward to the
baseball game he has organized.
Summer House (Bravo at 9) The
housemates host a prom-themed
party.The Endgame (NBC at 10:01) Val’s
faith in her work and country is
tested after a shocking
development.MINISERIES
We Own This City (HBO at 9) The
team behind “The Wire” returns to
the C harm City and chronicles the
corrupt Gun Tr ace Task Force of the
Baltimore police department. Read
Inkoo Kang’s review, C1.FINALE
Better Things (FX at 10 ) The final
season of the acclaimed series
concludes as Sam figures out who
she can turn to in her life.LATE NIGHT
Tonight Show/Fallon (NBC at
11:34) Chrissy Te igen, Cristin Milioti,
Soccer Mommy.Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC at 11:35)
Bill Hader, Mo Amer.Late Late Show/Corden (CBS at
12:37) Henry Winkler, Wyatt Russell,
Lara Beitz.Late Night/Meyers (NBC at 12:37)
Te rry Crews, Vanessa Bayer, Sam
Fender, Fred Eltringham.— Hau Chu
AIMEE SPINKS/HBO
Gentleman Jack (HBO at 10) A nne Lister (Suranne Jones, pictured) sets
up a new life with her wife, Ann Walker, and contends with the taboos and
scorn from neighbors.
Adapted from an
online
discussion.Dear Carolyn:
I’m struggling
with potential
regret regarding
my father.
Growing up
involved physical and verbal
abuse from him. I got screamed
at for the most minor things:
answering the phone “too
loudly,” or having an inflection
in my tone that he didn’t
approve of, etc. I once got
smacked across the face for
putting up holiday decorations
because my father thought I
left my toys out, and another
time for forgetting to turn off a
light. I left home as soon as I
was able.
For a while, I tried to
maintain an “adult”
relationship with him, but his
verbal abuse, yelling and
gaslighting continued until I
finally decided to cut off all
contact in my 30s.
I'm now in my mid-40s, and
being free from my father has
been the best decision I've ever
made. However, I also have an
8-year-old who has only seen
his maternal grandfather once,
from afar, and has never spent
any time with him. No holidays,
no birthdays, nothing.
While I’m sure I made the
right decision for myself to
have nothing to do with my
father ... how do I determine if
I am making the right decision
for my son? Both sets of his
grandparents are still alive.
Will I regret my decision to
keep my father away from my
son, even if he’s not a good
person? For what it’s worth, my
father hasn’t expressed a desire
to get to know my son, but he
keeps trying to offer money and
gifts through my mom.
— Never “Daddy’s Little Girl”Never “Daddy’s Little Girl”:
What benefit do you think your
son would get out of knowing
his grandfather?
That's the question you need
to answer, and then that
answer would have to outweigh
the answer to the other
question, what harm would
there be to your son knowing
his grandfather? The harm toyou is included, since that
harms your child in its own
ways.
On the pros-and-cons chart,
the “cons” column looks full to
me, and it’s hard to imagine a
benefit that would outweigh it.
Screaming, hitting, and
gaslighting are a serious set of
emotional crimes.
Yes, sometimes parents
behave horrifically under the
pressures of raising young
children — not to excuse it, just
to explain — and then mellow
into decent, if not great,
grandparents. But you’re
describing someone who
started out awful and stayed
that way.
So I'm not sure where the
possible regret would come
from in protecting your son,
especially given that you’re now
finally protecting yourself.
Maybe his gifts are confusing
you, but you can file them
under “gaslighting.”
If it remains a nagging
question, then please run the
issue by a therapist before you
let your son near your dad.
Readers’ thoughts:
l I kept very limited contactConflicting feelings about father’s role
Carolyn
Hax
with my parents. Although I
was vigilant in making sure my
child was never abused, my
child did see how my parents
treated me. They know, they
see. They’ll make informed
decisions. My child has
expressed gratitude that I’ve
broken the cycle.
l My dad’s father wasemotionally abusive, and loved
to parade us about to show his
friends what a good guy he was.
He died when I was a preteen
and all I felt was relief. It broke
my heart to see my kind, decent
father try to win his family’s
love over and over. Don’t put
your child through that. Find
other, positive elders he canhave a relationship with.
Write to Carolyn Hax at
[email protected]. Get her
column delivered to your inbox
each morning at wapo.st/gethax. Join the discussion live at noon
Fr idays at washingtonpost.com/live-
chats.NICK GALIFIANAKIS/ILLUSTRATION FOR THE WASHINGTON POSTDear Amy: Thank you so much
for your response to “Bay Area
Stepmom Cook,” who refused to
omit onions from her dishes,
even though her stepdaughter’s
husband had an aversion to
them.
My mother-in-law respected
my dislike/aversion to garlic. It
was just like you said: Every
time she thoughtfully left out the
garlic (or served me separately),
I honestly did feel loved.
— GarluckedGarlucked: I’ve received a huge
response to this question. Thank
you.Amy's column appears seven days a
week at washingtonpost.com/advice.
Write to [email protected]
or Amy Dickinson, P. O. Box 194,
Freeville, N.Y. 13068. You can also
follow her @askingamy.© 2 022 by Amy Dickinson, distributed by
Tr ibune Content Agencybackground making comments
and offering unwanted opinions
regarding what we are trying to
talk about.
My dad ignores it, but it is so
irritating and disruptive that it
makes me not want to talk to
him. Any advice?
— Frustrated SonSon: You should assume that
when you and your father speak
by phone, your conversation
isn’t private, even if “Darcy” isn’t
in the background, weighing in.
If you want to communicate
with your father uninterrupted,
a weekly email exchange might
work best.
It is challenging to talk to two
people on the phone at the same
time. You might want to start
your calls by talking to Darcy
and expressing an interest in her
doings. Then you could ask:
“Dad, could you step into the
other room? I’d love to talk
privately for a few minutes.”get her own needs met without
being figuratively dashed
against the rocks by an angry
parent.
You paint yourself as “the
good mom” and your ex and son
as “bad men,” and as long as you
see the world in such absolutes,
your daughter will be forced to
behave this way. You should
never expect a child to
completely renounce a parent,
because — for better or worse —
that parent is a part of them.
If you don’t want to babysit
your grandchildren, don’t! But
don’t use them as further
ammunition in your ongoing
war against your ex.Dear Amy: My dad and his wife
live in Texas. I live in Florida. My
father and stepmother, “Darcy,”
have been married for 40 years.
Neither of them works, and they
are always home together.
Every time I speak to my
father, Darcy is in thethis hate campaign against me?
— WonderingWondering: You seem to be
advice-shopping, and I assume
your psychiatrist is
recommending that you ask my
opinion because your practice is
to reject the advice you’ve been
given and go on the hunt for a
different answer.
I assume you have researched
“parental alienation,” and if so,
you will see that your son’s
attitude toward you might be the
result of his father’s behavior.
However, in my opinion, you are
also practicing a form of this, in
your attempt to force your
daughter to align completely
with you.
It should not be her job to
advocate for you in such a
challenging situation. She is
doing what many children of
toxic divorces do: She is
adjusting her scuba mask and
wading in, trying her hardest tocontact with me in 20 years. My
daughter maintains a close
relationship with her brother to
this day.
My son is getting married.
He evidently believes I might
show up and make a scene,
even though I have not been
invited. (People often accuse
others of things they are capable
of doing themselves!) My ex
won’t be in the same room with
me.
My daughter is going to be in
the wedding but won’t tell me
about it. I moved across the
country to be with her and her
kids.
I’m the good mom — the
extra-good mom that did
everything. (My daughter is a
doctor.) My ex-husband is a bad
man. He has made my son a bad
man. Why is my daughter
participating in their family
events, while I’m the one
babysitting her kids?
Shouldn’t she stop enablingDear Amy: My
psychiatrist
suggested I write
to you because
none of the
professionals
we’ve consulted have an answer.
I had two children with a
selfish, emotionally abusive
man. I divorced him at my
psychologist’s suggestion, so
my children would not see
and experience his awful
behavior.
I had custody of the children.
His few opportunities for
visitation were lost because of
his abuse. When the kids were
older, he got visitation and spent
most of the time trying to turn
the kids against me.
My daughter was able to
forgive him when she was an
adult because he mellowed and
she wanted to have some
connection with him, despite his
faults. My son, however, caved to
his pressure and has not had any
My daughter is still in contact with my ex-husband and my estranged son
Ask Amy
AMY
DICKINSON
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