relationships. They fear that their relationships will fail, fear betrayal, and, most sig-
nificantly, fear any change at all. Divorce, she argued, was bad for children—both
immediately and later in their lives. Couples, politicians argued, should, indeed, stay
together, “for the sake of the children.”
However, Wallerstein’s findings have been quite controversial—and, in fact, her find-
ings have been disconfirmed by most sociological studies. After all, Wallerstein studied
only children who came to see her as a therapist—that is, she based her findings on those
children who were already having difficulties before their parents divorced. And she stud-
ied children only in wealthy ultra-liberal Marin County, California—the suburban county
just north of San Francisco where the Grateful Dead live. She attributed their subsequent
problems in relationships to their parents’ divorce, when it is just as plausible that it was
the conflict between the parents that led to both the divorce andthe children’s problems.
Staying together might have been the worst imaginable outcome.
Sociological research consistently finds that children are more resilient and adapt
successfully to their parents’ divorces. Mavis Hetherington (2002), for example, stud-
ied more than 2,500 children from 1,400 families over a period of 30 years and found
that the fear of a devastating effect of divorce on children is exaggerated, with 75 to
80 percent of children coping reasonably well. Other scholars agree that, although
parental divorce increases the risk of psychological distress and relationship problems
in adulthood, the risks are not great (Amato, 2003; see also Ahrons, 2004).
Perhaps the outcome of divorce depends less on whether one gets a divorce and more
on how civilly the parents behave toward each other and how much ongoing investment
they maintain in their children’s lives. That is to say, what’s better for children is explained
less well by whether the parents are married or divorced and better by the quality of the
relationships the parents have with their children—and with each other.Blended Families
In the first episode of the popular teen sitcom Drake and Josh,two high school boys
with opposing personalities find that Josh’s father intends to marry Drake’s mother,
so they will become brothers. They accept their new arrangement with no stress or
conflict. Their other parents are never mentioned. Drake calls his new Dad “Dad”
and defers to his authority. Josh’s new Mom never lets on that she has been parent-
ing him for only a few months. In fact, there is only one clue that they were once
separate: They have decided to keep their original last names.408 CHAPTER 12THE FAMILY
The Social Value of Sons?
Gordon Dahl and Enrico Moretti (2004) found families
with only male children are significantly more durable
than those with only female children. In Vietnam, par-
ents of a girl are 25 percent more likely to divorce than
parents of a boy. The Asian preference for male chil-
dren is well known, but the trend also appears in the
United States: Parents of one girl are 4.4 percent more likely to
divorce than parents of one boy. Parents with three girls are nearly
9 percent more likely to divorce than parents with three boys.Even in the matter of courtship, when men discover that the
woman they are dating is pregnant, they are more likely to stay
with her if she is carrying a boy. When they begin dating women
who are already mothers, they are more likely to marry women
with sons than women with daughters.
Evidently the preference for sons is not limited to Asia. Many
American men feel that their lives are incomplete or that they
are insufficiently masculine unless they have sons, so much so
that their decision to marry or stay in an unhappy marriage is
often based less on the wife than on the offspring.Sociologyand ourWorld