14 May 1, 2022The Sunday TimesTravel USA
A year blighted by cancer and Covid left
Jonathan Dean and family in need of a
two-pace holiday. Could Florida deliver?
such as the hugely enjoyable Millennium
Falcon ride, but not wait two hours, you
must pay for the extras and, even then,
hope for the best.
Top tips to avoid becoming the man
I saw in a BEST STEPDAD! Disney T-shirt,
shouting at a toddler? Focus on the lush
Animal Kingdom — a mix of zoo, national
park and theme park, which features the
Avatar Flight of Passage ride, a beautiful,
surprisingly Zen 3D trip that, with
swooping views over the made-up planet
of Pandora and a dive into the ocean to
vie for space with a massive whale, ranks
among the best three minutes of my life.
Also, leave before the 9pm fireworks at
the Magic Kingdom; the ones you
see at the start of every Disney
film. Say to the kids that they
are best watched from the
monorail. Lying is fine
when extricating hot kids
from a park swimming
in sugar.
While in Kissimmee,
an area in Florida close to
Orlando airport, we stayed at
Margaritaville Resort Orlando —
186 hotel rooms and cottages around
a pool and restaurants. (Try the jalapeño
margarita and mahi fish sandwich on the
sunset-blessed terrace of the Euphoria
restaurant.) Before going, I just thought of
Kissimmee as a funny-named place within
reach of Disney World, but it was very
useful for us, as a location that blends
the bustling and the blissful.
Take, for instance, the excellent
Kennedy Space Center, about an hour
away. It has, I kid you not, a bar serving
IPA on tap in a soft play area so technically
advanced I assume it was designed by the
on-site brains of Nasa. Never has taking
the kids to, essentially, the pub, felt so
educational.
Then, one day, we went to the
headwaters of the Everglades for an
outing with Boggy Creek AirboatI
t was half-term, October 2020,
and we were in Peppa Pig World
in the New Forest. It was pouring.
So much rain that I had to buy a
branded poncho. On the drive
home, I said, “Maybe we should go to
Florida?” Kids love a theme park and
Florida does not do bleak rain — just
the sexy tropical stuff. And their beaches
are better. It was a no-brainer, so we
started planning.
Then of course there was a lot more
Covid. That scuppered departure dates.
Then my wife Rosamund was diagnosed
with breast cancer. That screwed up
everything. How long can a holiday be
delayed? Two years, apparently,
with our kids, Ezra, seven, and
Eden, five, reduced to
watching YouTube videos
of Disney World, while the
world fixed its pandemic
and their mother had the
worst year of her life.
Then all of a sudden it
was the Easter holidays and
we were on a plane. “Eden is
watching Paw Patrol on both an
iPad and the screen on the seat!”
gasped Ezra, at the start of the longest
flight of his life. They deserved a treat.
Who knows how affected they have been
by the past year, but excitement can cover
up a lot — a bit like gin. Rosamund and
I had a couple and finally found the time
to watch House of Gucci.
It’s hard to avoid the rush of Florida,
a place made of theme parks, but in the
planning, we were at pains to mix it up.
Give the kids something to throw
themselves around in, while we
found ways to rest. The chill to
the state’s thrill. It has been a
fragile time. Cancer can go,
but it never really goes.
First day, though (sorry
recuperating and jet-lagged
wife) we had to go to Disney
World, an entertainment
sprawl twice the size of
Manhattan. They call it
“The Happiest Place on
Earth”, but that is only
true if you fork out for
a Genie+ pass — which,
via an app and more
dollars, gets you
to the front of
queues. For
instance, if
you want
to go on
the crown
jewels,away. It has, I kid yo
IPA on tap in a softp
advanced I assume
on-site brains of Na
the kids to, essenti
educational.
Then, one day,
headwaters of th
outing with Boggds something to throw
around in, while we
s to rest. The chill to
hrill. It has been a
e. Cancer can go,
r really goes.
y, though (sorry
ng and jet-lagged
d to go to Disney
entertainment
ce the size of. They call it
iest Place on
that is only
fork out for
ass — which,
and more
s you
of
r
Adventures — 45 minutes from our hotel,
past the strip malls to wild nature. There,
over a slow morning, we saw alligators
and the surrealness of cows in swamps,
before heading to the Island H20 Live!
water park after lunch. Well aware that
rapids are not ideal post-surgery,
I took the kids on slides, while Rosamund
relaxed under a parasol by the pool with
a cocktail the size of her head.
After all that exertion, though, I also
needed a break. So, we drove to the sea.
The three-hour trip was like a game of
Florida bingo. Billboards touting a
machinegun range. (“Can we go?” asked
Ezra. “It says families are welcome.”)
Posters by the pro-life set. Alligators on
the road. Bumper stickers for Trump- A lot of that sudden very sexy rain,
at which point I realised I didn’t know
how the wipers worked on the rental.
Our destination was Palm Beach
County and the Boca Raton — an
upmarket, if sizeable, hotel that dates
from 1926, albeit with a £160 million
facelift which means that the original
fixtures are more ornamental than
Kennedy
Space
CenterWestgate
River RanchOrlandoKissimmee
Island H20 Live!Disney WorldLegoland Pirate
Island hotelJupiterThe EvergladesBoca RatonGumbo Limbo
Nature Center50 milesLying is fine
when extricating
hot kids from a
park swimming
in sugarAt the Kennedy Space Center
Visitor ComplexTHRILL
&
Airboat rides are the best way to explore the Everglades