108 http://www.yachtingmonthly.com MAY 2016
THE CONFESSIONAL
OWN UP TO YOUR SAILING SINS
The confession of the
month wins a floating
Standard Horizon
handheld VHF radio worth £140
PLUS an original Bill Caldwell cartoonWIN
‘I hope that’s the last of them,’ my
wife called, after her breathing had
returned to normal.
‘Absolutely,’ I replied as I
hauled up the mainsail and
another load of cones and
debris rained down from the
open sail bag.A sticky situation
By Janet Safarovic
With only a couple of hours
before guests arrived on the
boat, I just had time for a
shower. We duct the grey water
from the showers into the holding
tank in harbour, so one needs to
watch rising tank levels as well as
falling ones. We use water sparingly.
Whilst in the shower, I was going through
the logistics for the forthcoming weekend:
Would I get the bedding out of the marina
washing machine and into the drier before
the others in the queue? Was the bakery
open tomorrow morning for fresh rolls, or
should we stock up this afternoon? Was there
enough loo roll in the forward heads? Was
the Baltic weather going to kick up and make
everyone sick? Should we go out for a meal
tonight or eat on board?
Suddenly I became aware that the shower
gel I was using wasn’t actually working. Very
strange. Instead of getting clean and fresh, I
was getting sticky all over, very sticky.
With all my concerned calculations
added to my ingrained consideration for
water conservation, I hadn’t used any water
at all. I had simply attempted to smear a
minimal amount of shower gel over the not-
inconsiderable surface area of my body.month wins a floating
an original Bill Caldwell cartoon
POST Confessions,
Yachting Monthly,
Blue Fin Building,
110 Southwark Street,
London SE1 0SU
EMAIL
[email protected]
Please send us your confessions
in less than 200 wordsFailed at the first step
CONFESSION OF THE MONTH
By John Holloway
After years of sailing UK waters,
we wanted to cruise abroad long
term. I thought it would be wise
to get an International Certifi cate
of Competence (ICC), so I
organised a test with my local
sailing school.
It was quite a daunting
prospect, and when the day
came I was unsettled. Would he
fail me at the fi rst tack? I put on
a brave face and, with my regular
crew aboard and everything carefully
prepared, I met Bob the examiner in
the car park of the marina. The boat
was on ‘E’ pontoon, a good quarter of
a mile down the main walkway, and we talked
as we walked.
My mind was racing over the briefi ng I was
about to give, aware that I must not miss
anything out, even though the crew knew the
boat well. Finally, as we reached ‘E’ pontoon,
I turned left to go to the boat.
Unfortunately, I turned six feet too soon,
and not looking where I was going, walked
out over the water. As I made the inevitable
descent beneath the ripples, I said clearly and
calmly, ‘Oh dear, I seem to have lost my foot...
glug-glug-gurgle.’
Did I pass? Yes, with fl ying colours!
Penance for pine cones
By Colin Pelton
After a quiet night at anchor in a wooded inlet
on the Turkish coast, my wife and I awoke to a
glassy calm morning. Planning our departure,
I made a mental note to avoid a dead pine
tree protruding at 45° into the bay. My
wife gallantly swam ashore to release our
stern line and, as I was hauling it in, a light
breeze caressed my cheeks and a large pine
cone struck my shoulder. I looked around
to see who’d thrown it, then realised the
increasing wind had swung our mast into the
aforementioned conifer.
Unable to manoeuvre and under a hail of
dead twigs I gently asked my wife, ‘Would
you mind getting back in the water and
swimming us away from that tree?’
I won’t repeat her response but after
several minutes of energetic swimming she
extracted the rigging from the tangle of dead
branches. We escaped with no damage to
yacht or crew. For my penance, I spent the
morning removing pine twigs, and 46 cones,
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