26 S MAGAZINE ★ 25 AUGUST 2019
remember that. You deserve to
be loved.
I was reluctantly dragged to
a birthday party as my first night
out as a single woman. I didn’t
want to be there. Everyone else
was in a couple, which just felt like
salt in the wound.
Then I met Jim – a real eyes-
across-a-crowded-dance-floor
experience. My first thoughts were
puddle deep. He was (and is) so
attractive and an incredible dancer,
I simply thought he’d be fun. But
once we got talking, I realised
there was far more to him than
that. I found him enthralling from
the off. He turned out to be funny,
accepting, kind (he didn’t blink
when I said I had a baby at home).
We agreed to meet up for a proper
date the day after next. Time
enough for me to change my mind.
But I didn’t.
My friends said Jim was ‘only
rebound’. Some thought he’d
kick-start my dented confidence or
allow me to let off a bit of steam,
others started buying shares in
Kleenex and warned me no good
would come of the relationship.
Oddly, I had a lot more
confidence in us from the get-go.
He just seemed like the person
I should be with.
Second-time-around relationships
are raw and real. You have to deal
with a lot more than a regular
dating couple. My son was always
my first concern. I worried that Jim
would miss his happy-go-luckyvalue of long-term relationships.
I just hadn’t expected to meet
someone so splendid, so soon.
The first phase of my recovery
was when I accepted it was over.
There comes a point when you
decide – sink or swim. I couldn’t
grieve forever, dwell on my
loneliness, obsess and worry.I decided that at his best my
ex was too good to have to live
with a woman he no longer loved.
And at my worst I was too good
not to be loved.
I’ve clung to that life lesson
and I urge anyone who finds
themselves unexpectedly
and unwillingly single to reallysingle life and find a life centred
on playgroups and baby routines
overwhelming at best, mind-
numbing at worst.
However, Jim not only accepted
the ‘package deal’, he embraced
it. I think he surprised himself
when he fell in love with not only
me, but Conrad, too. Jim wanted
to give Conrad everything, and
indeed he has. They adore each
other. Eighteen years on, Conrad
is very firm about Jim being his
dad. Parenting is in the nurture,
not nature.
That said, we dealt with the fact
that there was a significant ex who
still had to be included in Conrad’s
life in a meaningful way. Added to
all of this, divorce has financial
implications. I was still writing, but
had taken on a massive mortgage
to buy our home off my ex. It
wasn’t easy.
Any one of these issues can
break a couple, but we managed.
There were disagreements and
blunders, but following my divorce,
I was clearer on what I wanted
from my relationship. I was
resolute I’d learn from my past
mistakes and make this work.
When I married the first time
I can’t remember us discussing
anything big or important. We
were very young and lived in the
moment. I knew his views on
which brands he liked to wear,
consume and be surrounded by,
I knew his favourite restaurants
and films, his friends’ birthdays.When her seemingly perfect marriage fell apart, writer Adele Parks was
ready to give up on romance. But here, the bestselling author reveals
that finding love again was one of the best things that happened to her...
J
im and I have been
together for 18 incredibly
happy years. We are
extremely good together.
We love and care for each
other with a robust commitment
that can absorb weeks of well...
ordinariness and even the
occasional blistering row.
I hope and pray I’ll be with Jim
until the day I die but I, probably
more than most, am aware that
wishing alone isn’t always enough
to make a relationship last. I have
been married before and was
divorced by the age of 32, which
was never my expectation. My
parents have been married 58
years (and counting). That was
what I was hoping for.
However, when my first marriage
fell apart, I was forced to reflect
on how a seemingly perfect
relationship had gone wrong. Two
amazing careers, a stunning home
and an active social life hadn’t
been enough the first time around- or maybe (I now realise) it had
been far too much. We put all
our energy into keeping up the
appearance of the ideal lifestyle
and we had little energy left over
to cherish each other.
Jim and I met just months after
my first husband left.
Hurt, and single mum to my
10-month-old son, I definitely
wasn’t looking for love and
recommitting. I was still reeling
from the shock. However, despite
the divorce, I still believed in the
Happy ever af ter...
the second time around
“I hope and
pray I’ll be with
Jim until the
day I die, but
I’m aware that
wishing alone
isn’t always
enough”
TREVOR LEIGHTON / CAMERA PRESS