Sunday Magazine – August 25, 2019

28 S MAGAZINE ★ 25 AUGUST 2019

However, five years into our

marriage it became clear that we

disagreed about some fundamental

issues – the value of my career,

how many children we should

have, where and how we should

raise said children, what we

should spend our money on...

The differences in our views,

once exposed, proved to be

insurmountable.

The second time around, I made

sure I was clear on Jim’s views

on all the above and more. Before

we got engaged, we discussed

everything we could think of;

scenarios weird and wonderful.

How much contact with exes

was appropriate? Contact with

mine was necessary – we have

a son. Contact with his exes was

frowned upon. We discussed who

he should save if a life and death

situation arose – me or my son?

Son, obviously. We mused over

what sort of gifts were acceptable

at various anniversaries, drawing

lines on a scale from neglectful to

flash. We discussed, in detail,

what we’d do if we only had five

minutes left to live and if we have

50 years left to live.

I believe communication is key

to all relationships. Honesty, trust,

patience, forgiveness, shared

interests, different interests and

hot sex are, I think, all part of the

mix to a successful long-term

relationship, too. This list is not

complete. Every couple needs to

find out what’s important to them.

Making romantic time for

each other is even more important

now years have passed. No

one appreciates you making the

effort quite like the person who

understands just how much of an

effort it is to finish a day’s work,

manage homework and bedtime

and still wave a mascara wand.

The lovely surprise is that

occasionally we do stumble

across an old story that we

haven’t told each other before,

although mostly we share

views on the things that we

believe in now and the things

that we hope will happen next.

We progress together.

Since I divorced, a number of

my friends and family also have.

Divorce is part of our society. We

live a long time, we’re offered a lot

of choices, put under a myriad of

pressures. I don’t think I am the

gold standard for many things, but

I think I do demonstrate that you

can be not only happy second time

around but happier. You can get

better at marriage, the way you get

better at anything you practice.

Adele Park’s new novel, Lies Lies

Lies (HQ HarperCollins, £7.99)

is out on September 5. See Express

Bookshop on page 77.

“Before we got

engaged, we

discussed

everything we

could think of;

scenarios weird

and wonderful”

Adele and Jim on

their wedding day

The couple

have been

together for

18 years

With

Adele’s

son

Conrad

●S

INTERVIEW