60 WORDS IN ACTION http://www.abrbuzz.co.za
LAST WRITES - FOR OUR MORE DISCERNING READERS
by Baron Claude Borlz - Last Writes you will always fi nd on the last page of aBr, because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, “You must take
a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.” The man agreed and after the fi rst three years, the head monk
came to him and said, “What are your two words?” “Food cold!” the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk
came to him and said “What are your two words?” “Robe dirty!” the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk
came to him and said, “What are your two words?” “I quit!” said the man. “Well,” the head monk replied, “I am not surprised. You
have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!”A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche!
New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for
$500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a
shot. So he went to the lady’s house and sure enough, she had an
almost brand new Porsche. “Wow!” the man said. “Can I take it for a
test drive?” Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran
perfectly and took it back to the lady’s house. “Why are you selling me
this great Porsche for only $500?” “My husband just ran off with his
secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as
long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money.”
A new manager Bernard spends a week at
his new offi ce with the manager Parson he is
replacing. On the last day, Parson tells him, “I’ve
left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer.
Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you
can’t solve.” Four months down the road there
is a big drama in the offi ce and Bernard feels
very threatened by it all. He remembers the
parting words of his predecessor and opens the
fi rst envelope. The message inside says “Blame
your predecessor!” Bernard does this and gets
off the hook. Six months later, the corporation
is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with
serious product problems. Bernard quickly opens
the second envelope. The message inside says,
“Reorganise!” The manager Bernard starts to
reorganise and his corporation quickly rebounds.
About a year later, at his next crisis, he opens
the third envelope. The message inside says,
“Prepare three envelopes.”THIRD TIME LUCKY
Jelena walks into a BMW salesmanship. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As
she bends over to feel the fi ne leather upholstery, she mistakenly breaks wind. Feeling ashamed, she looks around nervously to
see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesman doesn’t pop up right now. As Jelena turns around, her
worst nightmare comes true in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool like Johnny Depp and displaying complete
professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may I help you today?” Very uncomfortably, but hoping
that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, Jelena asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely car?”
The salesman answers, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price.”Golf Accident
Two nice woman Riley and Rikki were playing golf. Rikki teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed
directly toward a foursome of guys playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He directly clasped
his hands together at his groin, fell to the pitch and proceeded to roll around in agony. Rikki rushed down to
the man and immediately began to apologise. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know
I could relieve your pain if you would allow me,’ Rikki assures him. ‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fi ne in a
few minutes,’ the guy answered. He was in obvious pain, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands
there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he fi nally allowed her to help. Rikki gently took his hands
away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands slowly and carefully inside. She then
administered a tender and masterful massage for several long moments and softly asked “How does that
feel?” “Feels wonderful”, he replied. ”But I still think my thumb is broken!”WINDFALL
Silence is Golden
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked,
“Why aren’t you married? Can’t you fi nd a woman who will be
a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women
that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet
my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for
a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just fi nd a
girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet
again and his friend says, “Did you fi nd the perfect girl? Did your
mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes,
I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were
right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then
what’s the problem?” Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”Sting in the Tale