August• 2017 | 13them. Tell them they have a stupid
haircut or you don’t like their cooking
and they go on smiling. Cool.
Second, naked mole rats are
preternaturally age-proof, like
JenniferLopez.Afterayearorso,the
averagemouseisusingaZimmer
frame and dropping its dentures into
itssoup.Butnakedmolerats live
fordecades,equivalent
toahumanlivingfor
20 or 30 generations.
These critters are the
immortalsoftherodent
world, and must be
mightily annoying
at woodland dinner
parties: “Seems like
yesterday I was chatting
with your great, great,
great, great, great, great,
great, great ...” [All
guests exit.]
Third,nakedmoleratshave
specialcellsthateatcancercells.
However, getting dreaded diseases
isoneofalonglistofhuman
characteristics that superheroes
don’t share. Superfolk also don’t
go to toilets, get anxiety-induced
bloatingorfaintatthesightofa
blackhead being popped (readers,
don’tpretendI’mtheonlyone),etc.
Fourth, naked mole rats can alter
their metabolisms in emergencies,
surviving for up to 18 minutes
withoutoxygenby“effectively
becoming plants”, researchers say.
Not sure that’s all that amazing, as
everyFridaynightIfindmyself
surrounded by humans who are
effectively becoming vegetables,
aided by the consumption of certain
popular beverages.
Soallinall,nakedmolerat
abilitiesgetamixedreviewasthe
basis for superpowers. The longevity
thing is nice but not much use for a
person in tights and a
cape who fights bad
guys:“Youevilsuper-
villainsmayhaveused
your powers to destroy
the city, but I have a
longer life expectancy,
so there.” Lacks drama.
But the one thing
that totally disqualifies
it from being part of
a superhero origin
storyisthatitlooks
horrible. Pictures show creatures
with pale, f labby, unhealthy-looking
bodies,horribleskinandbadteeth,
remindingmeofbeachdaysspent
with my middle-aged male friends.
A colleague raised another issue:
“People might refuse to go to the
movie, because you can read the
name as ‘Naked Mole Rat Man’ or
asnaked‘MoleRatMan’,”shesaid.
Idecideditwastimetoavoidthat
unpleasantthoughtbyeffectively
becomingavegetable.
Cheers!After a year or
so, the average
mouse is using
a Zimmer frame
and dropping
its dentures into
its soupNury Vittachi is a Hong Kong-based
author. Read his blog at Mrjam.org