Once they arrived home, Henry had to wait for Lee to use the bathroom
before he could run to his closet to hide the picture. He risked a quick look
and this time was able to process its details. JM—as Henry code-named her in
his mind—had large, round breasts with nipples that were much wider than
Henry’s own, or even his father’s. She wore fancy black socks that came up to
the middle of her thighs, and there was a strip of hair between her legs that
was much darker than the hair tumbling down her shoulders. Henry felt a
dizziness he had never felt before. He couldn’t tell what color her eyes were,
but he felt his own drawn to them. She wasn’t smiling; not really. She was
between faces. Like someone had told her to smile and she had only made it
halfway there before the person took the photo. Henry wondered whether the
cushions beneath her were stiff like the pillows in the guest bedroom. Maybe
she was uncomfortable.
Henry remembered Lee and hurried to hide the picture. He pulled an issue
of Sports Illustrated for Kids from his stack, but the cover had Michael Jordan
on it. He reached for a different one: Ken Griffey, Jr. Baseball didn’t interest
Lee. Henry found two pages without photos, and then realized the other sides
of the pages couldn’t have photographs either. He didn’t have time to find
four in a row without photos, so he settled on three toward the back and
shoved the paper into the spine of the magazine. He steadied the top of the
stack with his palm and slid the issue back into place toward the middle just
as Lee banged out of the bathroom.
Later that night, Henry brought the family dictionary into the guest room
while his father was watching TV and Lee was drying dishes. Henry tried to
look up “masturbator” but couldn’t figure out the spelling and had to search
down through the M’s. He found “masturbate” and read its definition: “to
stimulate one’s genitals with one’s hand for sexual pleasure.” Henry didn’t
know what “stimulate” meant but had heard grown-ups use it. He didn’t
know “genitals” either, and he thought of gizzard and gonad, other words
adults used. He kept reading the line over. His anticipation would build until
he reached the phrase “sexual pleasure.” It felt wrong to read those words;
worse yet to dwell on them. He returned the dictionary to its place in the den