8 DAYS | 73first person STORY JASON HAHN
If a man look like Chris
Pine, he sure got all the girl
chase after him one. What for you try to
compete with everyone? You want to pick
the man got fewer girl chase mah! Then
confirm he so grateful you pick him, he
love you long, long time!
A
manda says she misses
the good old days
when you actually went
out somewhere if you
wanted to meet a guy.
“It’s so clinical now,” she said
recently over lunch at Lau Pa Sat.
“You have Tinder and all you do is
swipe.”
“But you’ve been on quite a
few nice dates from that,” Saffy
said, as she succeeded in spearing
a particularly slippery piece of
cuttlefish in her rojak. “So it can’t be
all that bad.”
Amanda sighed. “Yes, we had
some nice dinners and a couple of
movies, but nothing ever came out of
those dates. I mean, they look good
on-screen, but when you actually
meet up, there’s always something
not quite right.”
Sharyn looked up from her mee
pok. “Aiyah, where got perfect
boyfriend one? Confirm always got
something wrong one. My friend,
Suzy, she marry that Derek. Wah,
so good-looking. Wedding night, he
sleep with bridesmaid. You see lah!”
Amanda drew in a breath. “You
know, I’m not sure...”
“You look at my husband.” You
could tell Sharyn was warming up to
her theme. “I tell you ah, if I see his
picture on Tinder, I also swipe right
ah, I tell you!”
Saffy frowned. “You mean you
would swipe left, don’t you?”
Sharyn hesitated. “Why? What
happen if you swipe left?”
“Left means you’re rejecting the
guy, right means you like what you
see.”
Sharyn sighed. “Oh, issit? Yah
okay, if I see my husband picture on
Tinder, I swipe left! Wah, you so on
hor?”
“Lots of practice, Shazz. Lots
of practice. You’re so lucky you’re
married and don’t have to deal with
this.”
“Anyway,” Sharyn went on,
her earnest eyes squinting into
microscopic dots behind her thick
Coke-bottle-thick spectacles. “What
I am trying to say is that you all ah,
always pick boyfriend base on looks.
How to find husband, liddat? I tell
you ah, the more good-looking they
are, the more chao they are ah!”
“So you’re saying I should only
consider ugly men?” Amanda said,
arching a perfectly manicured
eyebrow.
Sharyn waved her hands. “Not say
ugly lah! But if you always pick Chris
Pine, of course, cannot lah! If a man
look like Chris Pine, he sure got all
the girl chase after him one. What for
you try to compete with everyone?
You want to pick the man got fewer
girl chase mah! Then confirm he so
grateful you pick him, he love you
long, long time! By the way, this isoh-so how you buy a puppy!”
For days after, it’s been all
Amanda can talk about.
“It makes so much sense,” she
told her friend Sarah at work. “This
whole app thing conditions us to
make snap judgments in seconds,
based solely on the guy’s looks.”
She paused, her eyes widened in
shock. “Oh my God. Just think of all
the potential fabulous husbands I’ve
swiped left on!”
“So, what,” Sarah asked, “you’re
going to start all over again? See,
this is why, the older I get, the more
I’m beginning to see how sensible
arranged marriages are!”
Amanda was shocked. “Wait,
what?”
“No, really, think about it!
My grandmother didn’t meet my
grandfather till the wedding day! But
she always said that he was thelove of her life and a part of her died
when he did.”
Amanda, who has the memory
of an elephant, said, “Didn’t your
granny remarry a man 15 years
younger than her?”
Sarah straightened up primly.
“Well, she didn’t say every part of her
died! But anyway, you must see the
point. Back in the day, nobody married
for love. That came after, as they got
to know each other and accept each
other, day by day. And I think apps
like Tinder have given us all a warped
perspective of that progression!”
“Wah, that Sarah, so cheem
hor?” Sharyn said later.
“I think I am going to delete myTinder account,” Amanda said. “I’m
just going to let you match-make
me!”
“Hah?” Sharyn’s eyes took on a
hunted look. “Me?”
“Yes. I think you and Sarah are
both right. I’ve been doing this dating
thing the wrong way. I’ve been judging
guys just based on a photo when
really, I should be getting to know
the... uhm... the Yodas of this world!
So, set me up, Sharyn. You have lots
of single men in your family. Introduce
me to some of them!”
Sharyn immediately rang Saffy in
a panic. “Ay, how are?”
“This is what happens when you
talk nonsense, Shazz! She likes
Chris Pine. Why did you have to
introduce her to Yoda?! My God,
what if she ends up being your
sister-in-law?”
“Aiyoh!”